


Fallingforyou

by SpookyFaces



Category: Panic! at the Disco, The 1975 (Band), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Accidents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-11-08 04:09:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 37,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyFaces/pseuds/SpookyFaces
Summary: Josh Dun could never imagine he'd fall in love with a quiet boy he hated the most. He could never imagine he would fall in love with Tyler Joseph - the boy, whose family is known in town because of the tragic history, alcoholism and abusive behavior.or the one in which Tyler is a mysterious, quiet boy and Josh decides to save the boy from himself.Because Josh doesn't hear Tyler.He listens to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I truly respect the band members' families, with my whole heart. This is nothing but a pure fiction.
> 
> stay safe, guys <3

Normal mornings usually start with birds singing behind the window, sun shining through the glass and leaving pretty shades all over the room, smell of mom's pancakes, sound of dad's favorite TV show.

But not here, not in this house. Mornings at Joseph's start somewhere between 6-7 a.m., when Christopher Joseph, the head of the family, comes back from his drinking night-session. The minute he steps into the doorframe, the house fills up with screams and Tyler knows - it's time to get up.  
Kelly's screams last for at least one hour, enough time given for the boy to get up and prepare himself to face his family. 

That morning wasn't any different.

"You drank our money away, Chris, again!" - Kelly screamed at the top of her lungs. "But that wasn't enough, you had so steal my bottle of vodka, you motherfucker!"

"Shut you hole, bitch!" - The man growled. "I'm the only one in this family making money, I have a right to spend it however I want!"

Tyler rolled his eyes as he went down the stairs and walked into the kitchen. His father's eyes darted to him, a cold expression changed with a sarcastic smirk.

"Oh, looks who's up!" - Chris yelled. "Tyler Robert Joseph. How are you, son? How's school? Are you doing okay?" 

The boy didn't pay attention to his father. He slowly approached the coffee machine and started preparing himself a drink.

"Right, sorry, I forgot. You don't think we're cool enough for you, that's why you don't talk with us. Excuse me." - Chris hissed and stumbled away into the living.

"Ty doesn't talk with anyone,dad." - Jay mumbled, as he lazily walked into the kitchen. Tyler turned around to face his little brother. He kneeled and wrapped his arms around the small boy's frame.

"Morning, Ty." - Jay smiled when his brother pulled away. "I'm hungry. Can you make me a sandwich?"

Tyler nodded and motioned with his head to Jay to sit down.

"I am hungry too, Tyler." - Their mother said,her voice tired as always. "I'd really appreciate if you prepared a breakfast for all of us."

"Ty always prepares us a breakfast." - Jay mumbled.

"Shut up, kid." - His mother hissed at the boy. "Eat your food, your brother will take you to school."

Tyler sighed and shook his head. Usual morning, nothing new.

__

 

"I hate maths." - Jay mumbled as they were making their way to the school. "I don't understand it, these stupid numbers are so confusing!"

Tyler laughed and nodded at his brother.

"I mean, it's not interesting at all! And I know you hate maths too, so there's no one who would explain it to me." - The small boy whimpered. "I wish Zack was still around, he would help me."

Tyler's heart sank at the mention of his older brother's name. 

"I really mis him,sometimes,you know.." - Jay said quietly, his hand squeezing Tyler's fingers. "He was the only one who could control mom and dad. He was so strong.. But I'm glad I still have you!" - The boy's sad tone suddenly changed. "I love you, Ty-Ty."

Brunette smiled and ruffled his brother's hair. They finally approached the school building. Jay let Tyler's hand go and gave him a small kiss on the cheek before disappearing into the doors. Tyler stared for a moment, then turned round and walked around the school building, to the football field, where he usually spent his first classes. 

He sat down on the ground and grabbed a joint from his pocket. Then he started to look for his lighter. He checked all the pockets. Nothing. It was gone. The boy groaned as he realized that his mother probably stole it away.

"Here." - He heard a familiar voice behind his back. He didn't even turn around, just reached for the lighter above his head and lighted his joint. 

"The bloody weather sucks,autumn is getting on my nerves." - Matty said as he crashed down on the ground near Tyler. Tyler nodded in response and handed him his lighter back. "Nah, keep it. I've got another one in my bag."

Matty Healy. The only friend Tyler has ever had. 

There was only one adjective to describe Matty with - strange. Not in a bad way. But he was a very strange guy. First of all, he's been friends with Tyler for years. Tyler - the boy who hasn't said a word in last three years. He had this British accent, even though he was born and raised in this town, but his family was from UK. He's never been there, but Tyler promised they would visit London one day. He promised it back then, when he was still speaking. Matty knew everything about Tyler, he knew about his family. But he never brought it up. So yeah, he was a good friend. And he always had some good stuff with him. Yeah, that means weed. 

Matty brushed his curls away from his face and sighed. Tyler dragged from the joint and gave it to Matty. The boy inhaled the poisonous smoke.

"You made an English assignment?" - He asked with his raspy voice. Tyler shook his head. "Yeah, same. Sucks. Way will probably kick us out from his classes."

Tyler shrugged while he stared at the distance. Suddenly, they heard approaching footsteps on the grass behind them. The boys quickly got to their feet. Matty's head turned around, hiding a cigarette between his fingers. He visibly relaxed when he saw the person nearing them.

"What do you want, Dun?" - He asked then, returning the joint to Tyler.

Tyler looked at the boy. Joshua Dun.

There wasn't much Tyler could tell you about him. He knew who the boy was friends with - Urie and Ross, couple of jerks. And Josh himself was a jerk,too. Tyler always felt hate radiating from the boy's eyes every time the two of them met. But he never understood why. And this stupid blue hair, ugh. Everything about him just annoyed the brunette.

"Don't be so rude, Healy, or I'll fucking break your neck." - Josh said as he approached the boys. Matty rolled his eyes.

"So? What can we help you with?"

"Nothing special. I just want you to share that magic with me." - The blue-haired boy nodded towards Tyler's long fingers. Then his eyes wondered up and down Tyler's body. 

Black jeans were hugging brunette's skinny legs, oversized flannel shirt wrapped the boy's slender body. His long fingers were curled around the joint,while deep brow eyes stared back at the curly,color-haired boy in front of him. He raised his eyebrow curiously and after that, Josh finally looked away.

"Why would we share anything with you,Dun?" - Matty laughed.

"Because you don't want to get into trouble, and you definitely will If I tell everyone you smoke weed on the school territory." - Josh smirked.

Matty's eyes lighted up with anger and he took a step towards the boy, but Tyler grabbed his forearm and stopped him. The curly boy looked at his friend confused but Tyler dragged once again from his joint and then reached it to Joshua.

"Tyler!" - Matty whined, but was met with Tyler's serious glare, so he did have any other choice but to shut up and step back.

Josh stared down at the boy's trembling slender fingers handing him a beautifully rolled joint. He took it then and placed it between his lips.

"Right choice, Joseph." - He mumbled. Tyler stared at him for a moment, his beautiful eyes swirling holes in the boy's face. Then he turned around and walked away, dragging Matty with him.

"Fucking jackass." - Matty spat, while trying to set himself free from Tyler's grip. 

Josh's face twisted from the anger.

"What did you say, you British dick?!" - He growled before stepping forward. Tyler didn't even register what happened, but in a second, Josh's fist collided with Matty's face, sending the latter boy to the ground.

"Fuck!" - The curly boy hissed, clutching his now bleeding nose with his hands. Josh stared down at him, obviously getting ready to place another hit. But suddenly,Tyler stood between the two and placed his thin arms on Josh's chest. The punk boy looked down at the boy's hands, then at Tyler.

Tyler's eyes were pleading for Josh to stop. His brown,doe eyes were full of pain and misery. Josh froze and couldn't even move. He also couldn't rip his eyes off the boy's face. He has never noticed how beautiful Joseph's lips were. Pink, full lips. And his pointy nose, bushy eyebrows, naturally tanned face..

"Shit, this hurts." - Matty mumbled as he finally crawled up to his feet, fingers still clasped over his nose.

Tyler's hands fell to his sides then and he finally moved away from Josh. The other boy still stared as Tyler grabbed Matty's hand and leaded him away from the field, probably to the nurse's office. Josh didn't really care about Healy, or his stupid nose. 

He was still glued to his spot, thousands of thoughts running through his mind.

 

He's heard a lot about Tyler from his family,but never really payed attention, because the two rarely met. He was always hanging out with Healy, a stupid druggy. 

Josh's father always talked how Chris Joseph was drowning himself in alcohol on daily basis, and how Kelly, Tyler's mother, stopped going to church and probably lost her mind. 

_"But honestly, who wouldn't get crazy?" - Laura, Josh's mom would say. "After everything that happened and all the things they've been through. They lost their wonderful son. Oh, Zack. What a boy he was. And poor Tyler, the boy hasn't said a word since the accident. I feel so sorry for this family._

Tyler Joseph, quiet, mysterious boy who somehow managed to arouse Josh's interest.


	2. Chapter 2

"That arsehole.." - Matty mumbled as he stumbled his way through the school hallway with Tyler by his side. His nose has already stopped bleeding, but he still had to hold a napkin over his face. 

"Bastard.. Dickhead!"

Tyler clasped his hand over the boy's mouth, and glared at him angrily. Matty's eyes fell to the floor as he finally shut his mouth. They approached the classroom and walked in quietly, choosing the furthest places somewhere in the back for the room, as always. Tyler crashed down on the chair and threw his backpack on the floor near his chair. Matty flopped down beside him and sighed dramatically.

"Yo, Healy, the fuck happened with ya nose?" - They heard the most annoying voice in the whole universe. Matty turned his head to meet Urie's stupidly perfect grinning face.

"One of your punk friends has an attitude problem, you arrogant piece of shit." - The curly boy hissed. Raven-haired boy's eyes went wide for a second, then a loud laughter escaped his lungs as he threw his head back. The boy sitting beside him laughed along with him. 

"Wankers." - Matty whispered. His lexicon of British swears has never failed to surprise Tyler.

"What was that?" - Ryan, the tall boy who was sitting near Brendon asked. Matty was just about to answer something cocky and probably get punched in the face again when the teacher walked into the classroom. Yeah, thanks God he did.

"Hello, kids." - Mr. Way gave everyone a small wave and placed his bag on the table. "How's the day going?"

A loud groan was all he got in response.

"Nice." - The man mumbled. "So, I'm sure all of you remembered to prepare your assignments, am I right?"

Another groan.

"Joshua, would you be kind and collect the papers for me?" - Mr. Way looked at Josh, who was tapping something on his phone. The boy looked up and rolled his eyes, but there was no way he would say no to the teacher, so he got up lazily and started collecting the homework. 

"I have an unlucky day today, Healy. I stumble upon you everywhere I go." - Josh hissed as he approached Tyler and Matty. The curly boy flicked him off in response and grimaced. 

"Right, no homework, I guess." - Josh announced, loud enough for the teacher to hear. Then he turned to Tyler and raised his eyebrow. 

"You, mute boy?"

"Hey!" - Matty growled at him. Josh held up his hands in defense, a stupid,cold smirk still plastered on his face. Tyler stared at him, his eyes literally eating the boy away. Josh swallowed hardly and looked away, mouthing a quiet "okay." He finally walked away then, handing teacher all the homework he collected.

"Thank you, Mr. Dun." - Way smiled at the boy,as the latter crushed down on the chair. "Now.. Let's talk about the book I gave you last week.."

Another loud groan followed.

__

Tyler walked down the school stairs, cigarette already placed between his teeth. He threw his backpack over the shoulders and put on his grey beanie,to somehow keep his messy hair from getting even messier in the wind. He knew Jay was taking a bus today, so he didn't have to wait for him and stay any longer on the school territory, which he hated with his whole heart. Fast and oh, so familiar footsteps caught up with him.

"I'm taking a bus today, wish me luck. Hope I won't get squashed between the asses of some fat, old librarians." - Matty whined. Tyler looked at him and shook his head. 

"Oh, screw you, Joseph." - The curly boy nudged his friend's shoulder weakly. "That's my bus! See you tomorrow,Ty." - Matty waved before running away and disappearing in the crowded bus.

Tyler grabbed his earphones from the pocket and stuck them into his ears. He was about to start playing his favorite song,when somebody tapped his shoulder. Tyler rolled his eyes, knowing it would be Matty, who decided not to take a bus because of the "fat, old librarians". But when he turned his head around, his eyes met a face he didn't expect to see.

Blue hair, pierced nose and chocolate-brown eyes. Tyler's brows knitted together as he stopped walking and stared at the boy.

"Hey, Joseph." - Josh mumbled. "Too much of you in one day."

Tyler looked at Josh's hand which was still placed on his shoulder. Josh's lips formed a small "o" as he removed his hand quickly. 

"Right. So, um, you and I, we, you know, live in the same neighborhood, and we both have to walk, so, I thought why don't I let you be my company? Plus, you're a quiet person, I need someone quiet after spending a day with Brendon." - he shrugged.

The brunette stared at him for a moment, then turned around and continued walking. Josh looked confused as hell when he caught up with him.

"Why the hell are you running away?" - The boy asked angrily, still trying to walk fast enough and not stay behind. "Joseph!"

Tyler stopped walking and looked up at Josh, his eyes full of anger and annoyance.

"Look, I know we never really got along, but.. I mean, what have I ever done to you?" - Josh asked. Tyler looked down at the boy's fist, which collided with his best friend's face a couple of hours ago.

"Right, well, except that. But, you're not a bad guy, and you definitely need some friends,other than that druggy."

Tyler's eyes met Josh's confused ones. He stared at the blue-haired boy for a moment, then raised his long, slender middle finger and held it in front of the boy's face.

"Wow, okay, sorry I insulted your dearly beloved friend." - Tyler nodded then and moved his finger away. He continued to walk, but slower than before. Josh understood it meant he was welcomed to walked along with him.

"So, you didn't write the assignment,huh? You never really do any of your homework,do you? You come to school just to smoke with Healy and hang around in the classes. That's sick. I mean, I would never have guts to behave like that." - Josh ranted as the two of them made their way towards their neighborhood. 

"Hey, have you heard about the Walkers' dog?"

Tyler shook his head, eyes never leaving the ground beneath him.

"You know they have this little, annoying dog,right? Chihuahua or some shit like that. Anyways, that little motherfucker loves to sleep under Mr. Walkers car. Stupid,right? I mean, who does that. So, anyways, this morning, Mr. Walker decided to drive to his job. He started an engine, and that shit got scared of the sound and run away from under the car, whining and barking. Mr. Walker thought he run the dog over and panicked, messed up with pedals and run into the fucking streetlight."

Josh laughed after finishing his story, throwing his head back and clutching on his stomach. He didn't even notice Tyler stopped walking beside and was now standing a few steps behind him. When he finally finished his laughing, Josh looked around confused and spotted Tyler.

"Yo, what's wrong?" - He asked, surprise and even concern written all over his face.

Suddenly, Tyler's hands flew up to his head and clasped on his ears, covering them. The boy shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Hey, hey, what the fu-what's going on?!" - Josh panicked as he neared the boy. Tyler opened his eyes, now glossy and red from tears gathered up in them and looked at Josh. 

That's when Josh understood. His heart sank somewhere deep into his stomach and his guts twisted into an ugly knot.

"Oh,shit, Tyler I'm so sorry. I forgot-I didn't meant, I swear.." - He rambled, mentally cursing himself. 

Nobody talks about cars and accidents near Tyler or Jay. It was the rule everybody has learned for the last couple of years. And of course, Josh had to screw everything up. As always. Tyler stared at him for a second, then shook his head and quickly walked away from him, leaving Josh glued to the spot once again, second time this day. Josh noticed something painful in Tyler's beautiful eyes. Betrayal, hurt.. 

He didn't try to catch up with the boy, he just stared as his thin silhouette disappeared around the corner.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jay, c'mere and clean your room or I swear to God I'll throw your toys away!!" - Kelly's scream rang through the house. Fast, quick footsteps were heard then and in a second, Jay was already tidying up his small room. The woman walked away, approaching her older son's room. Tyler could register she was drunk even by the way she knocked on his door. He's heard too many of these knocks. And when the door revealed his other, slumped over the doorframe, he knew he was right. 

The woman looked up at her son and smiled, her eyes were clouded and numb.

"Zack." - She said through her smile. "My pride and joy. My lovely, beautiful boy. Look how big you've grown. How handsome you are.."

Tyler closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. He knew this would happen. This has happened too many times.

"Me and your father are so proud of you.." - His drunk mother continued, slowly reaching her hands towards the boy. "Come here, please, hug me. I want to feel your warmth, baby. I want to feel you're still alive.." - Her face twisted from pain after these words and bitter tears applied from her eyes. Tyler appeared near her in a second, his long arms wrapping around his mother's waist as the woman's knees buckled underneath her.

"My baby boy, my Zack.." - She was whimpering, while Tyler held her closer to his chest. "You're all I have.."

Tyler rocked her's back and forth, his fingers running through his mother's now faded blond curls. He knew the one thing that could calm his mother, so he started to hum one of the songs that came to his mind. Quietly, shakily, he hummed the soft melody for Kelly, as her breaths became less loud and frequent.

"Tyler.." - She whispered. "Tyler, it's you.."

The boy nodded and placed his chin on the top of his mother's head.

"Tyler, you're so quiet.." - The woman mumbled, sleep was taking over her mind. "I wish I knew what was going on inside of your head.."

The brunette sighed quietly.

"When you were a child, you would come to me every time you were on the bad mood and say: _Mommy, spiders crawled inside my head and made themselves a home.._ " - Her voice was shaking along with her body, but she managed to smile because of the memory.

"I would ask you then: _how many,Ty?_ And you would tell me the number. More of the spiders there were - worse your mood appeared.." - Kelly sighed. 

Tyler held her closer, still humming for her. It didn't take a lot of time for her to finally fall asleep.

__

"My mother has been lecturing me for the whole night yesterday, she thought I got into the fight or something like that." - Matty mumbled as they were sitting on the football field, as always. A cigarette was rested between Tyler's lips as he listened to Matty rambling about his night.

"It didn't hurt this morning, so I guess it's not broken." - Matty shrugged. "But still, It'd be glad to strangle that punk with my bare hands."

The smoke escaped Tyler's mouth as he nodded along with the boy's speech. He didn't really want to face Josh today. Or this week. Or month. He felt uncomfortable because of what happened yesterday. He felt like he opened up too much and showed his weak spot to somebody he never trusted. And that was wrong.

"Come on." - Matty finally said, before throwing his cigarette away. "We're gonna be late for biology, and I really don't want to get a detention again." 

Tyler finished his cigarette, threw it to the ground and stepped on it, before grabbing his backpack and following the curly boy. They walked into the school and stumbled through the hallway. Tyler looked around the faces in the hallway. From the way Jenna Black's nose scrunched, he realized the smell of smoke was following him and Matty. Tyler looked at the girl and smiled, his dimples appearing on the cheeks. Jenna's eyes went wide, she hang her head low and blushed, trying to hide a smile.

"Nice." - Matty whispered and nudged Tyler's shoulder. "She's had a crush on you for years now."

Tyler rolled his eyes as they finally reached the biology class. As always, the seats in the front were occupied by the most annoying couple of jerks. Matty flicked them as he and Tyler passed by the boys. Ross's middle finger raised as a response,while Urie mouthed a quiet "fuck you".

"Fuck you back, Ursula." - Matty hissed.

If Ryan and Brendon where here, it meant only one thing - Josh would eventually appear here too. So Tyler crashed down on the chair,rested his arms on the desk and hided the head in his arms. After a minute of shuffling, the class went quiet and by the slow, monotone footsteps Tyler knew the teacher had walked in. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift away into the sleep, something he didn't really get last night.

_  
"He's not breathing!" - The girl dressed in white screams to her colleagues. "We need a defibrillator!"_

_Muffled voices, a sound of crashing tree, a smell of burned tires and gasoline._

_"Charge." - A man orders. A loud bang. "Nothing. Again. Get away, step back! Charge!"_

_Nothing._

_"No pulse." - The man announces._

_Kelly's strong arms wrapped around his body are strangling and suffocating him. He wants to set free, he wants to run up to him, he wants to hold his brother's hand. He hears a loud cry from somewhere behind him._

_"Take him away! Chris, take him away!" - His mother screams, tears are drowning her. Tyler spots Jay's red eyes as his father swoops the boy into his arms and leads him away._

_"Tyler!" - His mother is screaming at him now. "Tyler, tell me what happened!!"_

_He doesn't know what to say. He was sitting on their porch, he saw Zack's car approaching their house. He saw the car colliding with an oat tree on their sidewalk. He saw his brother's body crashing the windshield. He saw blood, he saw a broken skull, he saw the death._

_"Talk!!!" - Kelly screams shaking Tyler by his shoulders. "Tyler, talk!!"_

"Tyler!" - A loud voice crawled inside his head. His eyelashes disconnected and his head flew up. He nearly lost his balance and crashed down from the chair. He finally managed to blink the blur away and looked around. Teacher's concerned face was too close for his comfort. Brows knitted together, lips slightly parted.. He's seen too many these faces.

"Tyler, are you okay?" - The teacher asked, quieter now. The boy nodded,even though he could hear his heart still hammering inside of his chest. "Do you want to go to the nurse's office?"

Tyler shook his head. 

"Okay, son." - The man said and walked back to his desk. Tyler's eyes met Matty's pale face, who was staring at him.

"Dude, you just-you were asleep and I couldn't wake you up. Nobody could." - Matty mumbled. 

Nobody? That's when Tyler looked around the classroom. Faces, eyes glued at him. Worry, concern,pity.. Tyler wanted to throw up. But then he met a pair of eyes, which was filled with something different.. Only one word radiated through his mind, like a siren : SAFE. These brown, chocolaty eyes felt safe. Even though the whole appearance of the person who owned them was everything,but safe. He was intimidating, scary even.

_Joshua Dun's eyes were safe._


	4. Chapter 4

"Yo, Joseph!" 

_Ugh! The. most. annoying. voice. ever._

Tyler rolled his eyes and turned around lazily, facing Urie's stupid grin. He would definitely ignore the boy if they weren't in the middle of the school hallway, with all these faces staring at them.

"Where d'ya think you're goin'?" - Raven-haired boy asked, leaning on the locker and crossing arms on his chest. Tyler stared at him, then tilted his head to the side, confusion written all over his face. _Since when do you care about my destinations?_

"Here's a thing." - Brendon straightened and started walking towards the other boy. "My dad told me something this morning.."

His face was now too close to Tyler's, his voice got quieter eventually turning into a whisper.

"Seems like your dad owes a lot of money to him." - The boy wriggled his brows and smirked. "He owns a bar down your street,where your father drowns himself in alcohol every damn night. And guess what? He never fucking pays for his drinks." 

Tyler could swear his heart stopped beating the second Brendon mentioned his father. His hands stared to shake violently and he stuffed them into the front pocket of his hoodie, trying to hide them.

"So.." - The boy continued. "Here's what we'll do. You're gonna give me all the money you have right now. I don't care how much it is. If your papa doesn't pay for his bad habits, you will."

The brunette swallowed hardly, his eyes went wide. He had the money Jay gave him this morning, he asked Tyler to keep it until they could visit Zack's grave and buy him some flowers.

"Yo, I know you're mute, but are you deaf too?!" - Brendon growled, fisting his hands. Tyler's back collided with the cold wall as Brendon kept approaching him. The boy curled up on himself, tried to cover his face when he saw Brendon raising his fist. He waited.. 

But nothing came. 

Tyler opened his eyes (he never noticed closing them) and looked up. Brendon's fist was still in the air, but someone's fingers were curled around the boy's wrist, stopping him from any further actions. The brunette finally saw the face of the person who saved his nose from breaking.

Josh Dun. 

Tyler realized that Josh probably stopped Brendon only to place a hit on Tyler's face by himself. 

"The fuck, J?" - Brendon shouted, pulling his hand away from the boy's grip.

"Leave the freak alone, Brendon." - Josh mumbled with a monotone voice.

 _Freak._

Tyler's guts twisted. Not because Josh's words hurt him, no. It was jut something his father called him all the time and he hated this word. Freak. A fucking mute freak. 

Brendon scoffed, throwing an angry glare at Tyler and finally walked away from the boy. The brunette sighed, leaning his head back on the wall and closed his eyes. He wanted to disappear. Again, nothing new.

"You okay?" - A quiet voice broke through his mind. He opened his eyes and saw Josh Dun still standing in front of him, swirling holes on him. Tyler stared back for a moment, then shook his head slowly. 

"I'm sorry for him. He's a real dick sometimes." - Josh mumbled and scratched his neck. "And I-I'm sorry for calling you a freak. You're not a freak."

Tyler looked at the boy in front of him, who was obviously struggling to find the right words. _Why do I always scare and confuse people?_

Tyler squeezed the books he was holding closer to his chest and walked past the blue-haired boy.

"Hey, wait!" - Josh called. Tyler stopped and looked back at the boy. "I don't think you're a freak,okay? I-I don't know why I said that."

Tyler nodded,still not tearing his eyes off the boy's chocolate-brown ones.

"I-um, I want to,like, get to know you. I mean, like be friends and stuff. And I'm sorry for yesterday,too.." - Josh stuttered, his cheeks becoming pink for some reason. Tyler's brows raised from the surprise. 

_Friends? With me? Why would you want that?_

"I think you're a good guy, Tyler. You don't deserve any of this.. Stuff." - Josh said, as he could read Tyler's mind. 

Tyler stared for a minute longer, and then.. Then he smiled. With dimples and his crooked teeth. He smiled and Joshua felt the world spinning around him. He smiled back after a moment, eyes crinkling in the corners.

"See ya after school!" - He announced and Tyler walked away. 

__

"Ty, I got an A in maths!" - Jay exclaimed as he run to his older brother and threw his tiny arms around the kneeled boy's neck. Tyler laughed quietly and buried his nose in Jay's neck.

"Stoop, it's tickling!!" - The boy giggled. Tyler pulled away, straightened up and interlaced his long fingers with the boy's small ones. 

Jay was about to start walking,but Tyler didn't move from his spot, so he curiously looked up at his brother.

"Aren't we going home?" - He asked confused. Tyler nodded, but didn't move. He just stared at the ground beneath them. Jay's brows knitted together and he opened his mouth to ask another question, but was cut off with someone's heavy breathing behind their backs.

"Hey! I thought you'd leave without me, so I run like a crazy. Wooh." - Josh breathed and tried to catch his breath. Only then he noticed a small boy by Tyler's side. 

"Oh,hi! I'm Josh."

Jay looked suspiciously at him. He took a step forward and stood in front of his brother.

"Are you here to hurt Tyler?" - Jay asked angrily, his small hands turning into fists.

"What? No, of course no!" - Josh smiled at the way Jay was trying to protect his older brother. Jay looked up at Tyler then, who nodded and smiled at him.

"Oh. Okay. I'm Jay,Tyler's brother." 

"I know who you are, little man." - Josh ruffled the boy's hair and smiled. "Let's go?"

__

"..And then my teacher complimented the way I solved the problem and gave me an A!" - Jay giggled as they were walking down the block. His hand was still tightly squeezing Tyler's fingers. Josh's heart was melting at the sight of this small, tiny boy protecting his older brother like a real superhero.

"Wow, you may become an amazing mathematician one day, Mr. Joseph." - Josh smiled at him.

"No way! I wanna be a doctor when I grow up, like Zack." - Jay shrugged. Shivers run down Josh's spine at the mention of this name. His eyes darted to Tyler's face, who was staring down at his feet. 

"Did you know Zack?" - Jay asked suddenly.

"Uh, no.." - Josh shook his head. "But I've heard a lot about him."

"He was amazing. Did you know he was a doctor? He used to tell me funny storied about his patients all the time. And he was really good at maths. And he loved rock music, like really heavy type, he used to turn the volume up and-"

Jay's rambling was cut off when Tyler stopped walking and caused the small boy's hand to slip away from his grip. Jay stared up at him confused. Tyler stared back with his brows knitted together.

"Ty? What's wrong?" - Jay asked. 

"Hey, why don't you tell me about Tyler?" - Josh tried to break an awkwardness between siblings. "I mean, he doesn't talk much, maybe you could share something about him with me?"

Jay looked at his older brother, as if asking for the permission. Tyler nodded and Jay start talking again as they continued to walk.

"Ty's a perfect brother! He makes the tastiest pancakes, hums the best lullabies. His taste in music is just as same as mine! And he's really smart. I love him more than anyone else. I don't understand why people don't like him.." - Jay mumbled the last sentence. "He's quiet, but it's okay. I remember his voice, he used to sing to me all the time. And the fact that he doesn't talk anymore won't make me of him any less, right Ty?"

The thin boy placed a small kiss on the top of his brother's head and nodded.

"Look, it's our house!" - Jay announced when they approached their neighborhood and pointed to his house. 

"And mine is just a block away." - Josh said. "Thanks for telling me so many things, Jay-Jay."

"You're welcome! I like you,Josh, you're funny. And your hair is blue!" - The boy giggled.

Josh's eyes met Tyler's deep ones for a moment. The boy gave him a weak smile before mouthing "bye" and walking towards his house. Josh stared at the mysterious boy's back, unable to tear his gaze off.

"You won't hurt him,right?" - A small voice snapped him out of his trans.

"Huh?" - Josh blinked and looked down at Jay, who was still standing in front of him. "No. No, I would never.."

"Good." - Jay mumbled and turned around too look at his brother. "I don't understand him most of the time. And sometimes I wish he would just talk to me.. Tell me things, you know. But he never does.."

Josh noticed that Jay was really smart and even deep for the 12 years-old. For some reason, it made the punk boy sad.

"He's trying.. He helps me with homework, cleans the house, prepares our food, takes care of our mom and-and saves me from daddy,sometimes.."

Josh could feel his heart breaking into thousands of pieces. 

"So, please don't hurt him,okay?" - Jay pleaded. "I can't lose him too."

Josh couldn't manage to respond, so he just nodded. Jay waved at him and quickly run off to his house, catching up with his brother.

Josh definitely didn't spend his night thinking about the quiet,thin boy with deep, beautiful eyes and messy brown hair. Of course he did not.


	5. Chapter 5

"Have you ever tried Tinder?" - Matty asked when he flopped down near the table, beside Tyler in the school yard. Tyler looked at him and raised his eyebrows, then shook his head. "I think I'm gonna get it today. I haven't gotten laid in months, man."

Matty poked a pizza slice with a fork, his nose scrunching from disgust.

"I swear to God prisoners are fed better than we are." - The curly boy mumbled and pushed his plate away. His curls fell down on his face as he hang his head low and started tapping a beat on the table with this fingers. Tyler was too busy drinking a liquid from his bottle to notice Josh approaching them. He probably wouldn't ever notice him if the boy didn't clear his throat. Tyler's eyes raised and he met the blue-haired boy's face.

"Hi. Um.." - Josh scratched his neck and looked back. Tyler spotted Ryan ad Brendon,signaling something to Josh, then covering their mouths and laughing. Tyler rolled his eyes, guessing what would come next.

"Excuse me?" - Matty gained Josh's attention back.

"Yes, so, I'm just.. I'm really sorry, I lost a bet and..Fuck, I don't want to do this,but.." 

In a second, Tyler's bottle got grabbed from his hands and the liquid got splashed all over him. A smell of alcohol filled up the air as Tyler jumped to his feet and rubbed his eyes, trying to get the liquid away from his face.

"Yo ,what the fuck?!" - Matty growled as he flew up and grabbed Josh's collar, but Josh's eyes were glued at Tyler.

"Is that-Were you drinking a vodka?" - Josh asked quietly. Tyler didn't even look at him, he run his hand through the hair and mouthed "shit" to himself.

"That's none of your business, jerk." - Matty spat. "The fuck you think you're doing? You think it's funny-"

"Hey! What is going on?" - A loud, deep voice cut him off. Matty's hands let Josh go and the blue-haired boy stumbled a little, but gained his balance back. He looked up and met Mr. Smith's face, who looked furious. His eyes quickly darted at Tyler, who was standing there, a smell of alcohol could still be felt near him. The teacher's nose scrunched and his eyes grew even more angry.

"What is this smell?!" - He asked. "Is that an alcohol?! Joseph, come here!"

Tyler obeyed and approached the man, his eyes never leaving the ground beneath him. Mr. Smith's eyes widened as he realized what the smell was.

"Oh my-Were you drinking an alcohol on school territory?!" - He growled. 

"That's not what you th-"

"Did I ask you anything, Healy?" 

Matty shook his head silently.

"Joseph. Care to explain?"

Tyler stared at his feet, his hands were shaking visibly and Josh wanted to kill himself. Guilt was suffocating him, his heart was sinking to his toes. He could hear Brendon's loud laugh behind his back and he wanted to strangle the boy. But even more, he wanted to strangle himself.

"Oh, right, I forgot you don't talk." - The man mumble. He noticed a bottle of water lying beneath his feet. He grabbed it and lifted in the air. "Is this yours, Joseph?"

Tyler nodded. Josh spotted the boy was shivering, probably from being wet and cold. The teacher's eyes lighted up with anger.

"Follow me." - He ordered. "You two, if I notice you fighting ever again, you will have to deal with consequences."

"Mr. Smith, Tyler didn't-"

"Have a nice day, Healy." - Mr. Smith said,cutting the boy once again and walked away towards the school entrance. Josh stared as Tyler followed the man slowly, his thin arms hugging his freezing body. 

"Are you happy now, you wanker?!" - Matty growled when the man disappeared around the corner.

"I didn't-I had no idea is was vodka, I swear-" - Josh tried to defend himself.

"Don't you dare to come talk or even approach Tyler from now on, you got me?!" - Matty shouted.

"Look, I'm really sorry, I didn't want-"

"Fuck you." - The curly boy shook his head and walked away.

Josh hated himself. He hated his friends and especially himself. 

__

 

Blue-Haired boy has been waiting outside the school building for almost an hour now. There was no sight of Tyler. Josh sighed and shook his head. He was such a jackass. 

Suddenly, he heard the doors opening and footsteps running down the stairs. He looked up and finally saw the person he's been waiting for. But his heart broke in the same second he saw the boy's face. The hood was draped over Tyler's head, but Josh could still see tear paths smeared over his cheeks, his glossy eyes and swollen lips. His hair was still wet from earlier. Tyler didn't even notice Josh, he quickly walked away from the school building,throwing his backpack over his shoulders in a process.

"Tyler!" - Josh shouted and followed the boy. 

The thin boy stopped walking. He turned around and faced Josh.

"Hey.. Look, Tyler, I am sorry. I had no idea.. I know it was a dick move, I just.. I'm really sorry." - Josh was mumbling, his cheeks getting red from the embarrassment and guilt. Tyler stared at him for a second, then shook his head disappointedly and turned away. 

"Please.. I am really, really sorry. I wish you knew how much I regret it. I lost a bet and Brendon dared me to..Oh, Fuck him, fuck me. I'm a horrible person." - Josh was rambling now, words spilling out uncontrollably. "I wanted to be your friend because I like you so much, you're interesting and-and pretty and I've managed to mess it up."

Tyler's eyes went wide as he stared at Josh and mouthed a word "pretty" with a shocked expression.

"I-I mean-"

"Ty?" - A small voice cut the boy off. Josh realized he's said too much, so he was kinda glad someone stopped him. He looked around and spotted Jay staring up at his brother with his eyes wide. Tyler looked away and quickly wiped his face with a sleeve of his hoodie.

"Mr. Smith told me you got a detention.." - Jay mumbled, his eyes never leaving his brother's face. Josh doubted the small boy has even noticed him standing there. "They-They said you were drinking.."

Tyler's eyes filled up with pain as he took a step forward to his brother, but Jay stepped back.

"You-You can't be like them. You can't be like mom and dad.." - Jay whispered. 

Josh doubted he had anything left from his heart, but there it was, breaking once again. Tears gathered in Tyler's eyes as he stared down at his little brother.

"I'm taking a bus today. I don't want to walk with you,Ty. - Jay said then, crossing his arms on his chest. The tall boy nodded. He looked at Josh, pain radiating through his eyes.

"Tyler, let me walk with y-"

Tyler turned around on walked away from the spot, leaving Josh's words hanging in the air. Blue-haired boy cursed quietly and run his hands through his hair.

"You were the one who spilled it over him, weren't you?" - Jay asked quietly.

Josh stayed quiet, he couldn't think of anything to respond.

"Right.." - The small boy nodded. "And you promised me to never hurt him. Good. Nice.. Thank you."

Josh was just about to say something, but Jay took off towards the approaching bus and once again, Josh was left behind. Oh, how he wished the ground to open beneath him. He wanted to fucking disappear.

"You can still catch up with Ty if your run fast enough." - He heard a voice behind his back. He would recognize this raspy voice and British accent anywhere.

"What?"

"You heard me." - Matty shrugged as he faced the punk boy.

"I-I don't know.. What if he took a bus?"

"Tyler never takes a bus or anything that has four wheels and can crash into the tree." 

"Oh." - Josh hang his head low as realization hit him.

"So you either run, or stay here like a stupid jackass, which you are. I hate you,honestly. For everything that you've done. But,for some reason, I think your apologies were sincere. So I take my words about approaching Ty back."

Josh lifted his eyes and met Matty's soft ones.

"Go on. He wouldn't go too far."

Blue-haired boy nodded then, mumbled a quiet "thanks" and started running down the block, his heart hammering like crazy. 

He had to find Tyler, he fucking had to,okay?


	6. Chapter 6

Josh's feet were hurting from running so much, his muscles were getting sore, his face was freezing from the wind, but he run. Run, like he was chasing something important in his life. Maybe he was..

"Tyler!" - The boy shouted,cupping his mouth with his hands. The brunette was nowhere to be seen and Josh was just about to give up when he finally spotted a familiar silhouette under some oat tree on their street. Josh sighed with a relief and walked towards the boy, slowly and quietly, not daring to get too close and scare the boy away.After a few steps Josh's breath hitched. It wasn't just some oat tree. it was The oat tree. The one, which collided with Zack's car years ago. Blue-haired boy noticed Tyler's bloodied knuckles meeting the hard surface of the bark of the tree.

"Hey,hey!" - He panicked and appeared near the boy in as second, grabbing Tyler's hands, curling his fingers around his wrists. Tyler's scared and even shocked gaze flew up to meet with Josh's concerned eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" - Josh breathed, his hands still holding Tyler's wrists. The brunette pulled his hands away,eyes filling up with anger. Suddenly, he stepped forward and pushed Josh's shoulders harshly. The curly boy made a few steps back, his eyes went wide from surprise. He looked at the boy in front of him and sighed.

"I am really sorry, Tyler." - He said.

But it didn't seem to stop the other boy. Tyler approached him once again and hit Josh's chest with his fist. Then again. And again. Again. Again. 

It didn't hurt Josh, because Tyler didn't really hit him with any force. Tears streamed down the tanned boy's cheeks as he kept hitting and pushing Josh, repeatedly,again and again. Finally, he broke down. His hands fell to his sides as he let out a quiet whimper and stumbled back. Tears were flowing down his face and neck. And the curly boy didn't even think for a second. He pulled the boy closer and locked him into his embrace, letting Tyler bury his nose in the crook of his neck. He felt Tyler's nails digging into his back, but he couldn't care less about it. The boy was clutching on him, while his body shook from wet sobs. 

"Shh, it's okay." - Josh whispered, gently running his fingers through Tyler's messy,tangled hair. "I am sorry.. You don't deserve any of this."

Tyler shook his head,still not letting Josh go. And Josh didn't really complain. He didn't know how long would they stay in that position, if the Joseph's house's entrance door didn't open suddenly.

"Zack?!" - A loud voice rang through the air.

Tyler pulled away from Josh's grip and turned around, only to be met with his drunk mother's indifferent facial expression.

"Zack, hon-ney, come inside, it's really c-cold out there." - His mother slurred, barely standing on her feet. "Invite your fr-riend in." 

Zack. It was Tyler, not Zack. Josh realized the woman was too drunk to remember her son has passed away three years ago. Or maybe she didn't want to remember. 

"Please, Zackie. I'm-m sure your friend will be glad to visit your h-house."

Josh heard Tyler's sigh and in a second, he felt the boy's frozen, slender fingers interlacing with his hand. Tyler literally dragged him towards his house and then inside, shutting the door behind their back.

The curly boy couldn't stop himself from looking around the house. The walls were decorated with framed photographs, dozens and dozens of photos. People were smiling on them. Tyler was smiling on them. They were different.. Happier.

Tyler cleared his throat behind his back and it snapped Josh out of his trance. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off suddenly.

"There's no f-food, Zackie." - Tyler's mom mumbled, leaning on the doorframe. "And your father's sleeping on the c-couch, don't wake him up. Oh, and what's your name,honey?"

"Uh.. J-Josh Dun." - Josh cracked awkwardly.

"You're Laura's son." - Kelly said. Josh nodded in response and smiled a little. "Good. She l-looked really pretty in church this week."

Josh gulped, his fake smile still plastered on his face. He knew Tyler's mom hasn't been in church for years. His chest feel heavy. He had a feeling he has stepped into something he wasn't supposed to see or know. But it was too late to run away. His eyes met Tyler's tired, red ones. The boy was standing there, staring at his mother.

"Take your friend to your r-room, Zack." - The woman mumbled and slowly walked away from the spot. Josh turned around to face Tyler, but the boy went up the stairs silently., so Josh didn't really have any choice but follow him. 

__

Tyler's room was.. Different. Not what Josh expected it to be. The walls were literally naked, not even one photo or poster hang there. But Josh noticed the tape marks on them, which meant that sometime ago, there was a stuff hanging on the walls. But now - nothing. Just emptiness. A small keyboard was located in the corner of the room, The boy didn't really have much stuff, other than, desk, a nightstand and a small couch under the window. But the strangest thing in the room was bed. Actually, there were two beds, on each side of the room. Tyler sat down on one of them. Josh decided the second one belonged to Jay.

"So, um.. Do-Do you play music?" - He asked,scratching his neck. Tyler nodded, not lifting his eyes from the floor. 

"Good. Great. I mean, I play drums,sometimes. Helps me with my anxiety and s-stuff. We should play together someday. It will be c-cool."- Josh stuttered. Oh, he felt so awkward. 

"Can I sit beside you?" - He asked quietly. Tyler nodded and moved a little, freeing some space for Josh. The curly boy sat down near Tyler and sighed.

"Your mother calls you Zack.." - He mumbled,stating the fact. Tyler nodded once again, slower this time. Sadder. "Does she do this all the time?"

Tyler shook his head. He then grabbed a small piece of paper from the nightstand, a pen and scribbled something on it. Josh waited patiently. The boy handed him a paper.

_Only when she drinks. And yeah, that happens pretty much all the time._

"Oh." - Josh managed to say. He stared down at the piece of paper in his hand. Tyler's handwriting was messy, but still beautiful somehow. 

Suddenly, they heard loud footsteps walking around the house and after a second, voices filled up the space.

"Where's my drink from yesterday?" - A deep voice asked and Josh knew it was Tyler's father.

"It's gone, for God's sake, Christopher." - Kelly hissed. "You don't expect your drinks to lay around and stay untouched,right?"

"You bitch, how many times do I have to warn you?!" - The man growled, sending shivers down Josh's spine. He could feel Tyler tensing beside him.

"Keep your-r voice down, idiot! Z-Zackie has a friend over!"

"Zack?!" - Christopher shouted. "Zack is gone, woman!! You've crazy! You're imaging him,again!"

"Zack is upstair-rs!" 

"Zack is dead!!!" - The man's voice broke at the end and so did Josh's heart. His head turned to side to face Tyler. The boy was staring at the wall in front of him, emotionlessly,numbly..

"Shut up! You d-don't know what you'r-re talking about!" - Kelly screeched. They heard a loud bang and then a sound of crash coming up from the living room. Tyler suddenly flew up to his feet and run out from the room. Josh followed him, barely registering what was happening.

"You fucking psycho!" - The man was growling when they run into the living room. Josh spotted the piece of glass all over the floor. "You bitch! You threw a fucking bottle at me?!"

"Look at him!" - Kelly screamed suddenly and pointed her shaking finger towards Tyler, who was standing between the two with his eyes wide. "Can't you see h-him?! It's Zack!!"

"Zack is dead, Kelly! And this.." - Chris approached Tyler and grabbed his hand harshly. "This is Tyler, you idiot!"

"No. No, Tyler is in school, this is Zack!"

"Zack is gone, he died three years ago, you psycho!"

"You're lying, again! Why are you always lying?!

"I am not lying, open you stupid eyes, this-"

"SHUT UP!"

The room suddenly drowned in silence. Kelly's eyes went wide as she stared at Tyler, who was trembling at his spot, trying to catch his breath,his eyes were squeezed shut and his hands were covering his ears.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!!!" - The boy screamed.

Josh's breath stopped and he could feel the world spinning around him. No, this wasn't happening, he was imagining it, it was impossible..

"BOTH OF YOU! YOU CRAZY IDIOTS!" - Tyler was screaming, his face getting red from anger and pain. Tears were streaming down his face as he approached his mother suddenly. 

"Tyler-r, honey-"

"I AM NOT ZACK! I AM NOT HIM AND I NEVER WILL BE! NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WANT ME TO! AND YOU.." - He turned around to face his father, who was frozen from the shock. "You.. She didn't take your vodka.. I did."

 

Three pairs of eyes were glued at Tyler as he cursed quietly and walked out of the house.. Josh didn't wait a second and followed him, shutting the door behind his back, leaving Josephs frozen to their spots.


	7. Chapter 7

Josh was staring at the boy beside him. They've been sitting under the tree in the local park for almost an hour now, only Tyler's rapid breathing was filling up the silence between the two. The boy's head was hidden in his palms and Josh was scared to even touch Tyler. He still had a hard time processing what just happened. He heard Tyler's voice, for the first time ever. And it was nothing what Josh expected it to be. It was way more high-pitched and.. Cute? _No, shit. He didn't mean that._ Tyler's voice was shaking when the boy spoke, probably from not being used for so long.. The images of Tyler screaming at his parents were still painted on Josh's mind.

He realized Tyler's breathing steadied when Josh felt a gentle touch of shaky fingers on his forearm. He looked at Tyler and smiled.

"Hey.. Um, are-are you okay?" - Josh asked, knitting his brows together.

Tyler nodded silently and sniffed.

"I-I am sorry that this shit happened to you." - Josh mumbled and hanged his head low,curls falling down his face.

"T's fine." - He heard a quiet whisper. Josh's eyes went wide as he looked up at Tyler.

"Hey,you-you're speaking.." - Josh said and mentally wanted to slap himself.

"Yes. And I hate it." - Tyler mumbled and closed his eyes.

"Then.. Don't."

The brunette's eyes snapped open as he stared up at colored-haired boy, confusion drawn all over his face.

"Yeah, don't talk. I mean, you don't have to, only because you broke your silence once.. You can stay quiet for as long as you want. I can still understand you.."

Tyler was still staring at Josh, when the latter blushed and scratched his neck.

"I mean, your silence is was more understandable than any other words for me,so.."

Josh would probably go on rumbling about stupid stuff, but he was cut off when Tyler sighed and rested his head on the boy's shoulder, his fluffy hair tickling Josh's cheek.

"It's gonna be fine, Tyler. Everything will be alright.."

"..The world is build on that." - The brunette whispered. 

"Huh?"

"Bulgakov. It's from _Master and Margarita._ "

"Oh.." - Josh breathed. "You've read it?"

Tyler nodded in response.

"Yeah, you love reading, don't you? I don't really enjoy reading books. They are too.. Complicated for me." - Josh shrugged. "And now I feel stupid because I told you that."

Tyler smiled and rubbed his nose on the fabric of Josh's hoodie. They sat in complete silence for the next couple of hours, listening to each-other's breaths, their hands interlaced and hearts beating in unison.

 

__

"Yo, Josephine!" - A loud voice rang through the air. Josh's head snapped to the side and he spotted Brendon walking towards them. The raven-haired boy's smirk dropped when he recognized Josh. His eyes went wide and he froze to the spot.

"Josh?" - He asked, still staring at the way Josh's hand was connected with Tyler's, or the way sleeping Tyler's head was resting on the curly-boy's shoulder. "The fuck you're doing, man?"

"Can you,like, be quiet?" - Josh hushed him. Brendon's eyes grew even wider, a glimpse of anger running through his pupils.

"No, I can't? What the fuck are you doing with a mute fag, J?!" - He asked louder. 

Josh felt Tyler's body tensing and in a second, the boy let out a quiet sigh and lifted his head.

"Oh, look who's up. Good morning, Aurora! Maybe you will explain to me why the hell are you sleeping on Josh's fucking shoulder?" - Brendon asked, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Brendon, just walk away, please." - Josh pleaded.

"Oh, right, sorry. Forgot you're fucking mute and can't really explain anything-"

"Brendon!" - Josh hissed. His friend stared at Josh, then scoffed and shook his head.

“Whatever,man. I don’t give a single shit who you’re friends with,but I really hope you won’t involve this freak in our lives.” - He spat. Josh was about to jump to his feet and let his fist meet Brendon’s stupidly perfect face, but Tyler squeezed his fingers and stopped the boy.

“Yeah, protect your little boyfriend.” - Brendon said with a disgust on his face. “Look at him, Josh. Fucking, look at him..”

Josh’s eyes made their way up and down Tyler’s body, who was curled up on himself beside him. He saw the way his dark, bushy eyebrows arched over the deep, chocolaty eyes. The way his perfectly pointed nose was shaped, his plump lips were chapped and faded. Josh looked at his sharp jawline, pale,long neck, thin body hidden under a large hoodie, slender fingers, skinniest legs ever. Josh looked at the boy beside him and he fucking knew - he has never seen anyone more beautiful than Tyler freaking Joseph.

“Are you seriously eye-fucking him in front of me right now?” - Brendon let out a small laugh and shook his head.

“Bren..” - Josh finally teared his gaze off the boy and looked up at his friend. “You either go away right now, or I'll freaking break your nose.”

“What?!” - Brendon choked.

“You heard me. Tyler is not a freak, you understand me? And if you, or Ryan, or anyone else dares to call him that word ever again, I will rip all of you apart,got me? As for fag - don’t be a hypocrite,Bren, we all know you've been starving for Ryan’s ass since the middle school.”

“Fuck you!” - Black-haired boy scoffed. “I do't even know who you've became. You're not Josh I grew up with. Take care of your little mute Ty-Ty.” 

Then he turned around and walked away quickly, still cursing under his breath. Josh felt shitty for behaving like that with Brendon, but the guy did deserve it. And Tyler’s thankful eyes staring up at him were his source of happiness and even pride. He knew he had to protect the boy from now on, he felt responsible. He had to protect Tyler from people, from outer would, and from Tyler himself. The last one would be the hardest..


	8. Chapter 8

"Has Jay eaten anything today?" - Kelly asked,while pouring herself a glass of whiskey. Tyler nodded at her, his eyes never leaving the mug of coffee in his hands.

"Okay.. You know, school called me today, told me you're on expulsion. What the hell, Tyler?" - She hissed and sipped from her glass. Tyler looked up at her, his dark eyes staring at her face. "Stop staring and fucking talk. You had guts to scream at us yesterday, so what happened now? You swallowed your tongue? You're mute again?"

Tyler sighed and shook his head. _Why was everyone around him so complicated?_

"Tell me what did you get an expulsion for, Tyler." - His mother ordered. Tyler's eyes now fell on an empty bottle of Vodka lying beside the sink. His mother followed his gaze, her brow knitted together from confusion.

"Where you-Where you drinking in school, Tyler?!"

The boy didn't respond. Instead he sipped the dark liquid from his mug and looked away.

"You little piece of shit!" - Tyler's mother screamed suddenly and the boy even jumped from surprise. "Who do you think you are?! This family depends on you, but you're too selfish,aren't you? I swear to God, if you do anything like that ever again I'll kick you out of this house! You heartless bastard, I hate-"

The woman's words cut off when she took a step forward to probably slap Tyler, but tripped and crushed down on the floor, taking the glass and a bottle of Whiskey down with her. Tyler flew up to his feet in a second and helped his mother up. He spotted drops of blood appearing on the floor and his eyes went wide as he saw the broken glass in her mother's hands.

"Fuck, damn it!" - She hissed and let go of now bloodied piece of the glass. Her palm for covered in small cuts. Tyler quickly leaded her to the sink and turned on the cold water.

"It hurts, let me go!" - The woman shouted and tried to pull away, but Tyler kept her hand under the flow of water. After a moment, Kelly calmed down and stopped flinching away from Tyler's grip.

"Are they-Are they deep?" - She asked with a shaky voice. Tyler shook his head, his gaze concentrated on his mom's hand. "Okay, I-I think it's enough." 

Tyler turned the water off and grabbed a towel from the hanger, gently tapped with it over the cuts. He took out for a new bottle of Vodka from the fridge and poured some of it on his mother's hand. The woman hissed from the sharp pain and cursed quietly. Tyler brought her hand to his lips and blew, somehow managing to make a pain more bearable. Kelly stared at her son, who was now bandaging her hand. Tears gathered up in her eyes and she let out a wet sob. Her son's eyes snapped up, concern built up in them. He mouthed a quiet _"Don't cry"_ and wiped tears from Kelly's cheeks.

"Tyler.. Baby, I am so s-sorry for b-being a shitty m-mother.." - She bawled. In a second, Tyler's arms were around her body, gently bringing her closer to his chest. "I l-love you so much.. I am sorry for everything-ng I've p-put you through.."

Tyler rocked her back and forth, humming a soft melody for her. The woman's eyes darted to the kitchen sink, which was now stained with blood.

"Stupid kitchen s-sink.. Has seen too much of our b-blood." - She mumbled. Flashbacks of last year run through her mind.

_"Mom! Mom, you need to come down with me!" - Jay's loud voice rings through Kelly's ears. She slowly disconnects her lashes and sees her youngest son standing near her bed._

_"Jay, what the hell?" - She mumbles._

_"Mom, Tyler locked himself in the kitchen, he's not letting me in! I-I don't know what he's doing." - Jay whines._

_"Oh, for fuck's sake, you two are unbearable." - The woman hisses and gets up from her bed lazily. They walk down the stairs and approach the kitchen door._

_"Tyler, open the damn door and let your brother in!" - Kelly shouts and knocks on the door loudly. She gets nothing in response. Only the sound of running water. "Tyler Joseph!"_

_"See? I told you! He's been there for almost an hour!"_

_"Shut up, Jay, I have a headache. Tyler! I'll break the door, open it!"_

_Nothing._

_"Oh, alright. You'll get what you deserve, young man." - Kelly hisses. She squeezes the doorknob and pushes the door in harshly with her shoulder. And again. And again, until it finally flies open and she stumbles in._

_"I will kick your ass, Tyler, you little piece-"_

_Something rings in her ears. An alarm. She can't breath, she can't move, she can't speak, she can't take another step. Her hands start to shake violently,her knees give up underneath her and she meets a cold floor._

_"Tyler!!!!" - Jay screams and runs towards his brother, who's curled up on the floor in the corner. There's blood, so much blood. It's everywhere._

_"Mom!! Mom, help him!"_

_The woman snaps out of her trance. She jolts up from the floor and shoves Jay away from his older son._

_"Call your father, Jay. Wake him up. Go!" - She orders coldly and Jay disappeared from the room. Kelly pulls her son closer and rests his head on her lap, while her fingers clutch over the large cuts on Tyler's wrists._

_"Oh my God, Tyler. Tyler they are so deep. Oh, Jesus, baby what have you done.." - She's rambling, her fingers getting colored in red from her son's blood. "Baby, it's gonna be okay. Open your eyes, don't leave me, please. Don't-I need you.."_

_"Kelly?" - She hears her husband's confused voice behind her back._

_"Chris call an ambulance.." - She whispers, staring down at her son, who is bleeding,dying out in her arms._

_"What?!"_

_"CALL THE FUCKING AMBULANCE!"_

Kelly shook her head to get rid off the memories. She looked up at her son, who was now tidying up the mess in the kitchen. Her heart filled up with warmth and pride. She got up from the chair she's been sitting on and approached Tyler quietly. The woman's hands locked around the boy's torso, and she rested her head on his bent back. Tyler flinched from the touch and surprise, but didn't pull away. Instead, he stopped cleaning up and hanged his head low.

"I love you, baby." - Kelly whispered. "I am happy I've got you. You're my rock, my strength. Thank you.."

Tyler sighed and interlaced his fingers with his mother's now bandaged hand. His eyes wondered towards the kitchen sink, thoughts filling up his head.

_Nobody thinks what I think..._

"I love you too,mom."


	9. Chapter 9

Tyler's expulsion wasn't the worst thing that has ever happened to him. In fact, he enjoyed being away from all the people staring at him, whispering behind his back. He enjoyed being alone, because well, his life was involving around loneliness. And not in the sad way, no. He loved being alone with his thoughts. He didn't have to feel awkward or bad because of his silence. But, unfortunately, being away from school meant spending more time at home. Home which wasn't really home for Tyler, hasn't been for years already. It was just a shelter, a simple roof over his head. Nothing else. 

The thin boy was sitting on his porch and playing with a lighter with a cigarette resting in his lips. He was concentrated on the way fire, he simply hadn't noticed the curly boy sitting down beside him until he sighed. Tyler looked up then, a small smile appeared on his face.

"Hi-ya." - Matty grinned and bumped his fist with Tyler's. He grabbed a cigarette from the brunette's lips and took a drag. "Missed ya, old man. School sucks without you."

Tyler smiled even wider at this and nodded.

"Yeah, I know, you missed me too. Oh, you're not gonna believe what happened today." - Matty straightened and once again inhaled a poisonous smoke before speaking up again. "So, I'm walking into the bathroom after the third period and I hear some strange noises coming from one of the cabins. Somebody was making out,okay? Like full force making out, with moans and stuff. Shit, you know who that was?"

Tyler shook his head.

"Fucking Urie and fucking Ross! Those wankers!" - Matty exclaimed. "Bloody hell, I was literally shocked. Obviously, they haven't noticed me so I walked out quietly. But damn, they are fucking gay!"

Tyler laughed along with his friend,imagining Brendon's furious face if he knew that Matty saw him and Ryan making out.

"Oh, actually, here's a thing.." - Matty turned around to face Tyler. "Punk-Dun asked me about you today, like when was the last time I saw you and stuff. Is there something going on between you two?"

The brunette's cheeks got red at the mention of Josh's name. He quickly shook his head and looked away. Matty stared at him for a while, but then his eyes went wide and his lips parted.

"No fucking way!" - He exclaimed and covered his mouth with his hand. "No way! You and Dun?!"

Tyler looked up at him and shook his head, mouthing silent "no"-s.

"Don't even try to lie to me, TyJo! Oh my God, how didn't I notice earlier?! You like him!"

Tyler looked down at his fingers and sighed.

"Jesus! Ty, he's a fucking punk! He-He doesn't deserve you." - Matty said. Tyler shrugged at this. "Look, if he hurts you or breaks your heart I'm gonna have to break his nose and I'm not that strong or intimidating, you know."

The tanned boy laughed at his friend and nudged Matty's shoulder weakly.

"Yeah, okay, jokes aside.." - Matty mumbled, his smile disappearing from his face. "Just be careful, okay?"

The other boy nodded. _But I've never been careful_.

"Jesus, look at you, you Romeo!" - Matty shook his head as another wave of laughter washed over him.

__

One week passed quickly, fortunately or unfortunately, Tyler hasn't decided yet. But here it was, Monday, and Tyler was walking to school again, holding Jay's hand. The boy hasn't seen Josh for the last couple of days and something in his chest twisted when he spotted a familiar colorful hair and crinkly smile approaching them from the sidewalk. Josh stopped in front of the brothers, giving them a small wave. Jay waved back, meanwhile Tyler gave him a warm smile, managing to mess with Joshua's head in a second. Jay run up to him and grabbed his hand then and started rambling about some TV show he watched yesterday. But Josh wasn't really listening to him, his eyes were literally glued on Tyler's face, swirling holes on him.

"..And then this angel, you know, the one that grabbed his ass from the hell, he like decides to go against his brothers only to save Dean again. Like, it's so obvious he's in love with him, but nobody notices or says it and it's so frustrating. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay, right? I mean, Tyler here is gay, but it doesn't make him any less normal or good,right?"

Josh choked on his spit, eyes going wide. He looked up at Tyler, who was getting red.

"Josh, you okay?" - Jay asked concerned.

"Y-Yeah,I just-I didn't know you were gay, Ty." - He managed to mumble.

"Is that a problem?" - Jay raised his eyebrow.

"No, no of course. I'm bi myself, so.." 

"Oh, okay." - The small boy shrugged then. "Well, I'm straight. I mean, I really like this girl from my class, like really really. She's pretty and smart. But don't tell mom, Ty! I don't want her to yell at me and tell me I'm too young to fall in love."

Tyler shook his head and smiled.

"Remember how she reacted when you told her you were gay?" - Tyler's face became numb after this question. He nodded and looked away from his brother and Josh. Josh wished he could force Jay to shut up, but at the same time, he really wanted to know more about Tyler's life.

"Yeah, I remember too." - Jay said quietly. "I remember how Zack defended you. Mom would probably kick you out or dad would beat you to death if Zack hadn't stopped her."

Tyler's face stayed blank for the rest of the walk and Josh wished he could hug the sadness out of him. 

"Okay, I'm gonna be late if I don't go now." - Jay announced as they approached the school. "Bye Ty! Bye Josh, see you after school!" - The boy waved and run into the school building. Josh followed him, approaching the entrance door but noticed that Tyler wasn't coming. He turned around and faced the brunette.

"Ty? You coming?"

Tyler shook his head and pointed towards the football field, where Matty would probably be waiting for him.

"Oh.. Right, your morning smoke. I forgot you miss the first period almost everyday." - Josh mumbled. "Actually, I have chemistry right now and I hate it with all my guts. Maybe I could, like, join you?" - He asked awkwardly.

Tyler smiled and nodded, mouthing "of course" to the boy. Josh's face lighted up and he jogged towards Tyler. They walked to the field, Tyler reached out a pack of cigarettes and handed one to Josh.

"Oh, thanks." - Josh said and took a cigarette from the boy. His heart suddenly dropped and his breath hitched when he spotted something strange on Tyler's hand. A dark, huge scar was stretched from his wrist up to his elbow. He quickly looked away from the mark and Tyler hasn't even noticed him staring. 

They sat down on the bench and smoked. Matty approached them in a minute, the cigarette already dangling from his lips. They've talked, laughed, rambled about stuff. But this stinging pain in his guts never left Josh's stomach. His mind was still occupied with what he saw. Tyler's wrist, his deep, huge scar.

God. He wished it wasn't what he thought it was.


	10. Chapter 10

"Josh?"

The color-haired boy's eyes snapped up from his lunch only to be met with familiar, brown, soft eyes. Josh's eyebrows raised as he curiously stared at the boy in front of him, who was awkwardly shuffling from one feet to another.

"Can I-Can I sit here?"

"Yeah, um, sure." - Josh moved a little to free some space for the boy. The thin boy sat down and stared down at his hands.

"Where's Brendon?" - Josh asked and looked around to spot the raven-haired boy, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"He-He's sitting on Pete's table." - Ryan mumbled.

"Well, why aren't you?" - Josh asked curiously and sipped his soda.

"Look.." - Ryan turned around to face Josh. "He said you and-and Joseph have something going on. And I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, I always thought we were treating him too bad, and I truly regret everything I've done or said to him, but Bren.. He-He's really angry, Josh. He's saying you've betrayed his trust and became friends with someone whose family owns his dad a lot of money. I tried to calm him but he sh-shouted at me." - Ryan's eyes filled up with sadness.

"Oh." - Was everything Josh could croak. 

"So, I just wanted you to know that Brendon's temper is a horrible thing. He's capable of doing awful things to you and Tyler.. So, just be careful,okay?"

Josh sighed and shook his head. Brendon was unbelievable.

"Thank you for your concern, Ry. But I can knock Brendon out with my bare hands. Plus, I've warned him, if he ever touches Tyler he will regret it. So there's nothing to be worried about."

"Oh,okay then.. Yeah, good." - Ryan nodded and looked towards Pete's table, where Brendon was sitting with people gathered about around him as he was telling something.

"So he shouted at you,huh?" - Josh's soft voice snapped him out of his trans. 

"Um, yeah, kinda.." - Ryan shrugged and looked down.

"I know you two've been messing around secretly." - Josh admitted. He felt Ryan tensing beside him. "I'm not going to tell anyone, I promise. But you didn't have to hide it from me.."

"I hate hiding it from anyone." - Ryan mumbled. "I don't care about people knowing about us, but Brendon-he warned me to keep my mouth shut. And I-I don't want to lose him, you know. I kinda love him."

Josh felt his insides twisting. In a second, Ryan's eyes went wide and he jumped from his seat.

"Oh, shit. Fuck, forget that I've said that. I don't love him, I can't love him, oh this will make him so angry. Please don't tell Brendon." - The boy pleaded.

"Hey, Hey, Ry. I wont tell him anything, relax." - Josh tried to calm his friend.

"Okay. Good. Thank you. I-I gotta go." - With these words Ryan run away and disappeared from the hallway. Josh spotted Brendon's gaze following the boy.

_Why was everything so complicated? "_

__

Josh pulled out a beanie from his bag and put it on his messy hair, trying to keep himself as warm as possible. The winter was nearing and day by day this town was getting colder and colder. He shuffled in his place and staffed his hands into the pockets of the jacket.

"Fucking Winterfell." - He mumbled. He's been waiting for Tyler and his brother for almost half an hour now and his nose was starting to freeze. He sighed and shook his head and was just about to walk away when the entrance door finally flew open and the familiar silhouette walked out. A smile stretched on Josh's face, but it immediately dropped when he spotted the state Tyler was in. The door opened once again and Matty run out after the boy, holding his backpack and trying to put on his jacket.

"Ty,wait!" - He shouted, but Tyler didn't stop. His face was flushed pink, his eyes were wide and darting from one place to another. Josh run to him appeared near Tyler in a second, grabbing his shoulders and stopping him from walking or even running away.

"Hey, what's wrong? Ty, what happened?!" - Josh asked, a panic rising up in his chest as he saw tears gathering up in the boy's eyes. His breathing pattern was messed up, quick, short breaths were escaping his lungs.

"Tyler, hey. Hey, look at me." - The curly boy pleaded cupping the boy's face, but Tyler's eyes were staring off somewhere in the distance, avoiding Josh's gaze. A quiet whimper escaped his lips suddenly as he sank to his knees, taking Josh down with him.

"Woah, woah, shit.." - Josh cursed. "Fuck, Ty? Tyler, can you hear me? You need to breath, Concentrate on my voice,okay?"

Tyler shook his head furiously and tried to push Josh away.

"What's going on?! Matty, what happened?" - Josh looked up at Matty who was staring at Tyler with his eyes wide and full of concern.

"I-I don't know! He just-I saw him in the hallway running and couldn't stop him." - The boy mumbled. 

"Tyler.." - Josh's attention got back to the shaking boy in front of him, whose face was now smeared with tear paths. He was sobbing and clutching on Josh's hands. His lips parted but no sound escaped them.

"Ty,Hey, hey I'm here. Can you tell me what happened?" - Josh asked. He locked the boy in his embrace and gently stroke his hair. He suddenly heard Tyler stuttering something, so he quickly pulled away and stared at the boy.

"Don't be afraid. tell me. Tell me, Ty.." - Josh whispered.

"J-J-Jay.." - Tyler cracked. Josh's eyes went wide instantly and he looked up at Matty,who looked completely shocked by the fact that Tyler talked and said something.

"Matty, where's Jay?"

"What? I-I don't-he has to be here, he always meets with Tyler here." - Matty looked around. "He-He's not here, Josh."

"Oh, fuck.. Tyler? Tyler, what happened to Jay? Where is he?" 

The brunette just shook his head in response, a new wave of sobs washed over him. Josh hugged him once again, resting his chin on the boy's head.

"Stay with him, I'll go look for the boy." - Matty mumbled and disappeared back in the school building.

"He-He's g-gonna h-hurt him-m." - Tyler sobbed. "He-He's g-gonna.. I c-can't.. He's t-too s-small.."

"Ty, nobody's going to hurt Jay,okay?" - Josh held the boy closer to his chest. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt him, I promise. We'll find him and keep him safe.."

Tyler continued to cry as Josh held and rocked him back and forth. They were sitting on the cold asphalt, right in front of the school entrance but Josh didn't even care. He didn't care that people were staring, giving them odd looks. He spotted Ryan in the mass of people, who was looking at him concerned. Something twisted in his heart. He knew who Tyler was talking about. He knew who was going to hurt Jay. And Josh was never going to let it happen.


	11. Chapter 11

_Tell Ty I found the little guy, taking him home. xx_

Josh stared down at the text brightened up on his screen. He looked up at Tyler who was staring out of the window, his eyes red and bloodshot. His shaking fingers were hugging a mug of hot chocolate. Josh decided to take the boy to his favorite coffee shop when the brunette calmed down a little. He hasn't said a word since the incident to Josh but the curly boy didn't even care. He wanted to know what caused Tyler to have such a severe panic attack, but if the boy didn't want to talk - that was his choice and Josh respected it. As long as Tyler was safe and okay. Josh cleared his throat to gain Ty's attention. The thin boy's eyes slowly moved from the window to Josh's face.

"Matty's found Jay and is taking him home. He's okay, Ty."

Tyler visually relaxed and sighed with a relief. But the sadness and worry never left his eyes. He nodded to Josh and looked down at his mug.

"It's really good,isn't it? I adore their hot chocolate, I think they're adding cinnamon or something, I don't even know what it is. But tastes amazing." - Josh smiled and sipped his own drink, eyes never leaving the boy in front of him. Tyler continued to stare down at the ceramic mug placed between his shaking fingers. Josh sighed and put his cup down, then slowly reached out and intertwined his fingers with Tyler's trembling ones. The boy's surprised eyes snapped up at Josh.

"It's going to be okay, Ty. We won't let anyone hurt Jay,okay? I promise you that." - He said quietly, his words soothing Tyler's messy thoughts. The brunette nodded and even tried to smile for Josh.

"God, I wish you knew how much I regret treating you like a shit all this years.." - Josh mumbled suddenly, guilt written all over his face. Tyler's brows raised from curiosity. "Yeah, I mean, I don't even know why I treated you the way I did. It just-When you first came to school after the, um, after the incident, everybody was talking about you. And I-God, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say, do I decided to choose the easiest way - play the dickhead and try to hurt you. Because that's what I can do the best. Hurt everyone around me."

Josh's voice broke on the last words. Suddenly, he felt Tyler squeezing his fingers and for some strange reason, it gave him the feeling that he could do anything. He could become a fucking superhero if he wanted, and all because of Ty's touch.

"I-I was a really difficult child,you know? I mean, my mom would always say to her friends _this kid is gonna be the end of me"_ \- Josh laughed at the memory and shook his head. "Fuck, she was gorgeous. She was so, so beautiful,Ty. Her smile was so bright, her eyes were so damn deep, I would get lost in them every time she looked at me. Her brown locks were so pretty. And her voice - Jesus, her voice was something else. It was like a ray of light guiding me the light through the darkness. She used to sing to me _Can't help falling in love with you_ at the times I was feeling down. But it's gone now. Everything is gone. Ever since my father left us, she-she became.. Dark. The light left her eyes. Now they're just dull and-and numb.. Empty. Depression took over her. Do you know what I mean?"

Tyler's been staring at the boy in front of him all this time. He nodded a little, images of his own mother running through his mind.

"Yeah, yeah, of course you know. I-I saw your.. Situation at home." - Josh whispered. "I-I'm sorry for rambling so much, I don't know why I told you those things. Sorry." 

Tyler shook his head then and smiled at the boy, mouthing a small "thank you" to him. Josh's heart missed a beat and he could stop himself from smiling too.

"I guess we're both fucked up enough to understand each-other,huh?"

Tyler nodded and looked out from the window.

"It's getting dark already. Wanna head out?" 

__

 

"..Remember that one time when Mr. Way told to bring him an assignment about Gatsby and Ryan messed it up as always, decided to print it from the internet and brought him a fucking script for the movie?" - Josh asked.

Tyler laughed, throwing his head back and nodded. They were sitting on the bench in the park, the night was melting around them, the Moon was starting to occupy the sky.

"That was crazy.." - Josh mumbled after finishing laughing. He looked at Tyler, who was looking up at the sky and sighed. Day by day he was getting more and more attracted to the boy. His pointy nose, tanned skin, full lips, deep eyes, fluffy hair, thin,lanky frame, long fingers, sweet smell. Everything about him was mesmerizing. Josh wished he could stare at the boy all night without being creepy. Tyler turned his head and caught Josh's gaze. The curly boy looked away then, awkwardly scratching his neck.

"So, um.." - He started, but didn't even know what to say next. He sighed and let his hand fall down from his neck. He looked at Tyler, who was now sitting closer to him, his face literally inches away from Josh.

"I-I, uh.. You-You're eyes are r-really pretty, you know." - Josh mumbled and mentally slapped himself. _Really, Joshua? Ugh._

"Yours are pretty too, Josh Dun." - Tyler's soft voice said. Josh gulped, his eyes going wide. He still had a hard time getting used to Tyler talking, even if it was once a week or so. He laughed awkwardly and tried to look for any words in his mind. Nothing. Blank. _Tell him he's pretty too. No, no don't tell him that. Tell him his lips are beautiful. Actually, no. Don't. No, abort the mission. Tell him-_

Josh didn't tell him anything. He couldn't, to be honest. His lips got occupied when Tyler leaned forward, his hand running up though Josh's hair and his lips locking with the boy's chapped ones. Josh's breath hitched and he couldn't stop a small gasp leaving his lungs. Tyler deepened the kiss then, tugging at Josh's hair and finally letting his tongue slip into Josh's mouth. This was the last string. Josh let out a quiet moan as his jeans tightened a little. _A little._ after what felt like an eternity, Tyler pulled away, with his lips swollen and red. Josh stared at him, trying to read his mind or his expression, but he couldn't see anything.

"Oh.." - Josh managed to mumble when he finally caught his breath. "Wow.. You-You don't regret it, do you? I mean you l-look like you regret and I wish you don't, cause God, that was the best kiss I've ever shared and if you regret it then I will burn from the embarrassment and probably never leave my house and you-you're so good and beautiful and if I ruin all of that I-"- Josh released he was close to having a panic attack, as his breaths became more rapid but suddenly Tyler's long, thin arm locked around his waist. Tyler shuffled even closer to him and rested his head on Josh's shoulder. 

_Wise men say.. Only fools rush in..."_

Josh didn't think anything today would make his head spin harder and his heart beat faster. But here he was, listening to Tyler's soft, soothing, slightly hoarse voice singing him a song that took such a big space in his heart. And here Josh was, unable to fight tears back. Here he was, sobbing, while Tyler continued to sing to him. For him.

_"But I can't help falling in love with you.."_


	12. Chapter 12

Josh threw a backpack over his shoulder and shut his locker. He looked at Tyler, who was leaning on the wall and waiting for him to grab his stuff. The brunette caught his gaze and smiled shyly, his dimples appearing on his cheeks and melting Josh's heart. The curly boy approached him and threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Ready to miss the last period, mister?" - He asked and grinned at the boy. Tyler suddenly wiggled himself free from Josh's grip and took a few steps back, looking around the empty hallway.

"What's wrong?" - Josh asked and tried to near the boy, but the latter moved away, his eyes locked on something behind Josh's back. Before the curly boy had time to turn around, a loud voice rang through the air.

"Hello there!"

Josh would recognize this strong, intimidating voice everywhere. He slowly turned around and faced the raven-haired boy, who had arms crossed on his chest, eyes narrowed at Joshua.

"Brendon." - Josh hissed.

"Yup, Brendon. You know, the guy you used to hang out with before you found yourself a place at the lonely-fag-club." - The boy smirked and took a few steps towards Josh.

"What do you want?"

"From you? Nothing, Josh. But you.." - Brendon's eyes moved to Tyler,who was staring at him with his eyes wide and full of fear. "Your daddy hadn't payed a cent to my father, Joseph. Do you know what that means?"

Tyler gulped and curled up on himself even more, looking smaller than ever.

"I've warned you what would happen if we don't get our money. I've warned you what would happen if my eyes spot you with any my friends!" - Brendon growled, his hands suddenly flying up to grab Tyler's collar. The boy's back smashed on the wall behind him and he let out a small yelp.

"Leave him alone!" - Josh tried to get Brendon away from the boy, but suddenly felt strong arms wrapping around his torso. "What the-Let me fucking go!" 

"Keep him there, Wentz." - Brendon ordered to the guy holding Josh. His eyes returned to Tyler's face, who was pale from the fear, his whole body shaking under the raven-haired boy's touch. 

"Here's what choice you have: I kick your guts out or I find your brother Jay-Jay and break his little nose. Choose."

Josh's breath hitched as he realized what was the reason of Tyler's panic attack yesterday. He tried to pull away from Pete's touch, but the guy was too fucking strong.

"Don't you dare to touch him, Brendon!" - He growled then, hoping somebody would hear them and come out into the hallway.

"Keep your voice down or Pete'll fucking knock you out, you betrayer." - Brendon hissed. Josh wanted to say something back, but Pete twisted his arm, so instead he let out a small whimper and cursed quietly.

"So, Joseph.. Choose. Tick-tock. Tick-tock." - Brendon sang, his fingers tapping on Tyler's shoulder. "You or Joseph junior?"

Tyler closed his eyes and nodded, tears already streaming down his cheeks.

"Huh? What was it? Sorry, didn't hear." - Brendon raised his eyebrows. "Use. Your. Words."

"Brendon.. Don't, please." - Josh pleaded, the pain in his arm was becoming unbearable.

"Speak, Joseph. Fucking talk!"

_"Talk, Tyler! Tell what happened!! What did you see?!"_

_"Kelly, leave him alone!"_

_"No, Chris! He saw-he saw what happened. He saw Zacky.. He fucking saw it! Tyler, talk!_

"Open your God damn mouth, Joseph!"

"ME!" - Tyler's yell echoed through the empty hallway. Tyler shook, letting out a wet sob and choking on his breath. Brendon's face lit with a satisfied smile.

"Finally." - He spat.

After only a second, Brendon's fist collided with the brunette's nose, sending him down to the ground.

"No! Stop it!" - Josh yelled, kicking and thrashing, but Pete's grip only tightened.

Brendon continued to place kicks and hits all over Tyler's small, thin body. He kicked his stomach, chest, back, even face. Josh stared as Tyler took all the hits without a noise escaping his mouth. He wished Tyler would fight back, fucking do anything. But the boy didn't even move. The blood and tears were now smeared all over his face, his deep,brown eyes looked empty and dull. Josh wanted to fucking scream. 

So he did.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE! STOP IT! YOU-YOU WILL KILL HIM! FUCK OFF! DON'T TOUCH HIM!" - He screamed, tears streaming down his face as he saw Brendon placing one last, hard kick on Tyler's stomach. The raven-haired boy looked at Josh then, with disgust written all over his face. He nodded his head towards the entrance and in the next second Josh got released from Pete's grip. He fell down on his knees, unable to keep his balance. The sound of the door shutting somewhere behind his back filled up the space. 

"Oh my God.. Brendon, what did you do?!" - A scared voice asked. Josh's eyes crawled up to see Ryan frozen on his place, staring at Brendon. Raven-haired boy opened his mouth to say something, but Pete tugged his sleeve and literally drugged him out of the school in blink of an eye. In a second, the hallway got crowded with people coming out of the classrooms. Gasps could be heard all over the place. Josh finally managed to get on his feet, his knees still shaking underneath him. He took two big steps towards Tyler and crouched beside him.

"Tyler.. Oh-Tyler.." - He couldn't touch the boy, he didn't want to hurt him. Tyler was a bloodied mess, big, purple bruises were already forming on his jaw and neck. 

"Get away!" - He heard a familiar voice ordering. He spotter the curly boy trying to get through the crowd. Matty stopped in his tracks when he saw the broken boy laying on the ground, trembling. 

"Oh my-Get the nurse! Now!" - He screamed, his knees buckling underneath him.The boy crawled shakily to his unconscious friend and placed him into his lap.

"Tyler? Tyler, can you hear me?" - He didn't get a response, so his eyes moved to Josh. "Wh-What happened ? Who did this?!"

Josh could find a force inside of him to answer the question. He stared at Tyler with his eyes wide and teary.

"Fucking answer me!!"

"I know who did this." - Ryan said with a small voice. Matty's furious eyes flew up to the boy standing in front of him. Suddenly, the kids around them moved back a little and the lady dressed in all white appeared from the crowd. 

"Jesus Christ.. Help me to get him into the nurse office,now!" - She announced. "And make some room for him! Come on! Get back to you classes, there's nothing to stare at!"

Josh felt the world breaking down on him, universe blurring around the edges. He sat there, unable to move or stand, staring at Tyler being carried away. He continued to sit there when the hallway emptied and there was no one left except for him and his thoughts. At least, that's what he thought. Until he heard a quiet whimper from somewhere behind his back. His mind couldn't get wrapped around the idea of what just happened, so his actions were like in the slow-mode. He turned around, his eyes meeting a pair of scared, broken ones.

"W-Why w-would-d th-they do th-this.." - Jay asked through his sobs, his arms hugging himself, tears streaming down his face and neck. Josh flew up to his feet and appeared near the small boy in a second, locking him into his embrace, letting Jay sob and cry into his hoodie. 

The only thing he wanted was to protect Tyler. The only thing he couldn't do was protect Tyler..


	13. Chapter 13

Josh held his cellphone in his shaking hands, back leaning on the cold brick wall. He's been standing out, in the cold for hours, waiting for any information about Tyler. They didn't let him into his ward because he wasn't family, so he had to wait for Jay to text or call him. His mind was blank, he couldn't think about anything but the image of Tyler, so broken and beaten up.. He didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve any of this. Josh sighed and run a hand through his faded hair. Finally, the phone vibrated in his hand. He answered it without looking down at the caller ID.

"Jay?"

 _"It's me."_ \- The soft voice mumbled with the British accent. _"I've talked with Jay. They're gonna keep Tyler for today, he has a concussion and a fucking broken rib. A rib, Josh. They-They broke his bone. Your mother fucking friends almost killed him-"_

"They aren't my friends. Not anymore." - Josh whispered. "He's gonna be okay, right?"

_"I guess,physically. But mentally.."_

"Fuck.." - Josh cursed quietly. "Th-Thanks for calling, Matty. I'll see you tomorrow."

 _"Okay."_ \- The boy hanged up, leaving Josh alone with his thoughts and feelings. The boy leaned his forehead on the wall in front of him and let out a shaky breath. The anger was boiling up inside of him. He hit the wall with his fist and screamed, letting out the fury. He didn't care about the people in the street staring at him. He wanted to see Tyler, he wanted to hold him, hug him, kiss his sadness and pain away..

__

The next day in the school was.. Quiet. The moment Josh walked into the hallway, he could feel the pairs of eyes swirling holes on him, questions hanged in the air. He tried to block everyone, not to pay attention, but when he approached his locker and the spot where Tyler was beaten up yesterday he froze, staring blankly at the ground where the boy was laying. He would stand there for the whole day if somebody didn't clear their throat behind his back. Josh jumped from surprise and quickly turned around, only to be met with a mess of dark curls and a pair of sad eyes.

"Hey." - Josh breathed.

"They're going to expel Urie and Wentz." - Matty mumbled. He was leaning on the locker, arms crossed on his chest. 

"Good." - Josh nodded. "They deserve worse than just expulsion."

"Huh, please.." - The British boy scoffed. "They are your friends, Josh. And you're one of them.."

"I am not." - Josh snapped. "I am not one of them, okay? I-I was their friend, yes, but right now I fucking hate them for laying a finger on Tyler."

Matty held his hands up in defense and shrugged.

"Whatever."

Josh rolled his eyes when the boy walked away from him and opened his locker, grabbing some books from it. That's when he felt a soft tap on his shoulders. He closed the locker and turned around. Ryan was standing in front of him, his hair falling down on his face, eyes glued on the floor beneath him.

"I can't believe this is happening." - The boy whispered.

"Yeah.. Yeah, me too." - Josh nodded.

"I mean-I don't know how could he be so-so heartless.. He's so soft and caring with me, especially when we are alone.. I would never thing he was capable of doing something like that." - Ryan was on the verge of crying, his eyes already getting red. Josh sighed and patted the boy's shoulder sympathetically.

"People are cruel sometimes. We were cruel to Tyler too,Ry. I was cruel to him.. But we've changed. I hope Brendon will too, but I can't promise that I won't beat the shit out of him the next time I see him."

Ryan nodded and sniffled quietly.

"I hate him." - He murmured. "He called me yesterday and told me he wanted to fuck. God, I hate him." - Ryan was shaking, his eyes were shut. Josh wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders and waited for him to calm down a little bit.

"Wanna sit next to me today?" - He asked when Ryan's breath finally steadied. Ryan nodded slowly. "Good. Come on then.."

__

Josh put down the tray of food he was caring and crushed down beside Matty, who was eating a sandwich lazily. Josh poked a slice of pizza with a fork, his appetite was long gone. He could hear people talking about Tyler and it was annoying him do death. Nobody had the right to talk about Tyler, especially when they knew nothing about the boy. Josh was lost in his thoughts when he felt a shadow casting over him. His eyes went up to see the person standing in front of him. He recognized his face, but he has never spoken to the boy. Josh knew the guy was Brendon's friend and he knew exactly why he has approached Josh. The guy had his fists clenched, lips twisted from the fury and disgust.

"Man, what the hell?" - Matty whined,looking up from his sandwich. 

"Shut up, you British dick." - The guy growled, his eyes focused on Josh. 

"What do you want?" - Josh hissed quietly. The guy's hands suddenly slammed on the table, making Matty jump from the surprise. 

"Your little boyfriend got hurt yesterday,huh?" - The boy asked quietly, the voice barely reaching Josh. "Seems like Brendon didn't beat him roughly enough, I've heard he's still alive."

"Watch your mouth, wanker." - Matty snapped. The guy didn't pay attention to the curly boy, his vision still concentrated on Joshua.

"Wanna end up in the hospital, next to your boy?"

"Get the fuck out of here." - Josh flew up to his feet, blood boiling in his veins. The guy smirked and neared his face to Josh.

"Brendon and Pete are getting expelled because of you and your boyfriend. That's not good. You know what that means?"

Josh raised his brow curiously.

"The war." - The guy spat. 

"This isn't some kind of a thriller movie, dude." - Matty chimed in. "You need to back the fuck off if you don't want to end up having a broken nose and getting expelled along with your squad."

The guy finally turned his attention to Matty, who was tiny compared to him. His hands suddenly flew up to Matty's collar.

"I've always hated your British guts, you know that? You disgusting druggie, fuck you and your-"

"Dallon!"

The guy's head quickly turned to the side where the voice came from. His hands let go of Matty, who crushed down to his chair.

"Leave them alone." - The boy from behind Dallon mumbled. "We don't want any more trouble. You don't need that."

Dallon growled and cursed.

"They're expelling Brendon because of these pricks-"

"I know." - The other boy nodded. "But you need to stay calm."

"Fine." - Dallon hissed. He looked at Josh once again, his eyes full of hate and disgust, before finally walking away from their table. Matty sighed with a relief.

"Who the fuck are they?" - Josh asked Matty, who was now back at eating his precious sandwich.

"Dallon Weekes and Spencer Smith. Brendon's bodyguards, like Wentz. He's got a lot of them. Meaning we've got a lot of walking problems in this school to deal with.."


	14. Chapter 14

Three weeks after the incident, Tyler has finally returned to the school. Josh hasn't seen him even once during this time. He didn't visit the boy, didn't call him, didn't even fucking text Tyler. Why? Because he was scared. He was scared because he was still associated with Brendon's friend group, he was scared of Tyler hating him for being friends with people who have beaten the hell out of him. He had no idea how as Tyler's recovery had been going, because even Matty refused to talk to him. So that morning, when Ryan approached Josh near the lockers, the curly boy already knew what his friend was going to say.

"Tyler's back." - Ryan said quietly, staring down at the floor. Josh's heart missed a beat the second he heard those words escaping his friend's mouth. He gulped and nodded. "He looks.. Um.. I don't now how to say it.."

But Ryan didn't have to say anything, because after a moment Josh heard people's whispers growing loud all around the hallway. Heads turned to the side, eyes went wide, gasps filled up the air. Josh finally managed to look where everybody was staring. His head started to spin and he felt dizzy. He saw Tyler walking down the hall. He was hugging books, that looked huge compared to his thin,slender body. He has visibly lost a lot of weight and looked like he would break if somebody touched him. His eyes were dull,empty, numb. The eyes that once glittered with something magical, something that Josh could name properly. It was gone. Everything was gone. His bruises on the face have faded away, but there still was one big, purple spot on his long neck that Josh couldn't tear his gaze off of. Matty was walking behind him, staring at Tyler protectively. His dark curls were put in the small bun and he looked tired, even more tired than any other day. Josh sighed, finally collecting his courage and took a few steps towards the pair. Tyler felt someone approaching him and stopped in his tracks, his body visibly tensing. He squeezed his eyes shut and froze on the spot. 

"Ty, everything okay?" - Matty asked. He turned around to see what made Tyler freeze. His eyes met Josh's concerned ones. "Dun?"

"Hey, Matty." - Josh mumbled, his eyes never leaving Tyler. The brunette opened his eyes when he heard the surname and was now looking at Josh. "Hi, Ty. How-How are you?"

Tyler didn't respond. He looked down at his feet, avoiding Josh's gaze. Josh swallowed hardly and reached a hand to touch Tyler, but Matty stepped in front of him, his brows knitting together.

"No touching." - He hissed. Josh's eyes went wide from surprise. He was still staring at Tyler.

"Ty? Ty, it's me-"

"I said - no touching." - Matty repeated. His angry, even furious gaze was swirling holes on Josh's face. The color-haired boy nodded and let his hand fall to his side. "We need to go to the class." 

Matty walked past Josh to the class, leaving the shocked boy behind. Josh tried to look Tyler in the eyes, but the thin boy didn't look up from the floor. He followed his curly friend silently, his fingers clutching on the books. Josh watched as the two of them disappeared in the classroom. After a moment, the hallway filled up with voices once again. Seemed like everyone has already forgotten about Tyler.

__

The English class became a staring competition for Joshua. His eyes were literally eating Tyler, he wasn't even blinking. Ryan nudged him weakly several times, but even that didn't stop the boy. Tyler was staring down at his book, but Josh was sure he wasn't even reading it. Mr. Way didn't question anything when he saw Tyler walking quietly into the classroom. He looked at the boy sympathetically and sighed. Since then, Tyler's been sitting and staring down at his book. Josh was finally snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a ball of paper hitting his face. He hissed and turned around quickly, only to be met with a pair of angry eyes.

"What the hell, Healy?" - Josh asked quietly, rubbing the spot where the ball has hit him. Matty shook his head.

"Stop staring." - The boy whispered. 

"What's your problem?!" - Josh snapped suddenly. "I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Oh, really? Want to ask your little shitty friends about that?!" 

"They're not my friends, I've already told you!" - Josh was shouting now. He completely forgot they were in the middle of the lesson until Mr. Way cleared his throat behind his back. Josh cursed quietly and straightened in his seat.

"Joshua. Matthew. Please, leave the classroom." - The man said calmly.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Way-"

"Now." - Way said and pointed towards the door. Josh gulped and looked at Tyler, who was now staring up at him with his eyes wide. The curly boy grabbed his backpack and got up from his seat. He walked out of the classroom silently and heard Matty following him. The door shut behind their backs and they were standing in the middle of an empty hallway now.

"Satisfied?" - Matty hissed, throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

"Shut up." - Josh rolled his eyes. "I haven't done anything to Tyler. I hate Brendon and his stupid squad,okay? I am not one of them. Not-Not anymore."

"That's the point, you wanker!" - Matty exclaimed. "Not anymore! Three months ago _you_ would be the one hitting Tyler! People don't change,okay? You're still the same, but the only difference is thatyou like Tyler now, that's why you've stopped bullying him!"

"Matty, keep your voice down!" - Josh hushed the boy. "I know you're trying to protect Tyler, but I'm his friend,okay? Ask him, I don't think he wants me to stay away from him-"

"He does." - Matty answered suddenly. 

"What do you mean?"

Matty sighed and run a hand over his face. His voice was calmer and quieter now.

"Look, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you this,but.. The day I visited Tyler in the hospital for the first time he-he wrote something for me on the piece of paper. He asked me to help him stay away from you, Josh."

Josh's breath hitched.

"What? But why?!"

"You're making him weak, Josh." - Matty said with a sad voice. "Ever since the accident, Tyler has built this wall around himself, which helped him to stay safe from the whole world around him. But you - you've managed to break through it. And the results are horrible, you saw it yourself.."

"But isolating himself is worse-"

"I know, Josh." - Matty looked up at him. "I know. But it's easier for him to stay away from everyone, than to keep fighting with his feelings,emotions, the fucking whole universe. He's too weak, too fragile,man.."

Josh's chest was hurting. He wanted to cry, bawl even.

"I am sorry, okay? I don't hate you. I'm just doing what Ty asked me to do. Hope you understand." - With these words Matty smiled weakly and walked away, leaving Josh alone in the empty hallway.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small but cute? There will be more, i promise

To say that Josh was sad was an understatement. He was very,very sad. He never thought that Tyler had such a big play in his life, but now, when Tyler started avoiding him, Josh's life felt so empty and dull. He was moping around in the school hallway every day, trying really hard not to bump into Tyler or Matty. It's been a week and no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't stop himself from staring at the thin boy in lunch hall, in classrooms and even yard. Tyler looked better. All of his bruises were now gone and his face wasn't so lifelessly pale anymore, but his eyes.. His eyes were still numb. And Josh wanted to hang himself because of this fact. He missed the light in Tyler's eyes. 

The blue-haired boy was sitting on the bench near the school stadium, earphones plugged into his ears. He was literally disconnected from the outer world, letting the music wash over him. He developed a habit of missing the first period and blamed Tyler for it. So there he was, every morning, sitting on the furthest bench and hiding behind his favorite music. He had no idea why school hasn't contacted his mother yet. Maybe because they knew it wouldn't give them any result, because his mom barely left her room and talked to him. But he couldn't care less. He was listening to music and thinking about Tyler eyes. He wanted them to shine again. Why was it so hard? 

He felt somebody's weight crashing down beside him on the bench. He jumped a little and turned his head to the side. His breath hitched as his eyes met the naturally tanned face, plump lips, bushy eyebrows and pointy nose. Tyler was staring down at his feet, holding a cigarette in his hand. Josh gulped,still not being able to say anything from surprise. Tyler definitely felt his worry, because the boy looked up at him. Both of them were now staring at each other and anxiety was rising up in Josh's chest.

"Hi." - He managed to finally crack. He pulled out one earphone, the other one still stuck in his ear. Tyler stared at his for a moment, then reached his hand and grabbed the earphone that was free. He put it in his ear and closed his eyes. Josh's anxiety was literally eating him alive. _What if he hated the music that I listen to? What if he thinks my taste is a shit? What if-_

"My Chemical Romance?" - Tyler asked quietly, not opening his eyes. _Oh sweet Jesus, he's talking to me. Oh, fuck_

"Um, y-yeah. Yeah, I love them." - Josh nodded nervously.

"Me too. And I love this song." - Tyler answered.

Josh glanced down at his iPod. _The light behind your eyes._ What a coincidence. He was thinking about the light behind Tyler's eyes while listening to it.

"I love it, too. The lyrics are so deep and-um.. So-"

"Sad?" - Tyler asked, finally disconnecting his lashed and looking up at Josh.

"Yeah." - Josh breathed. He couldn't tear his gaze off Tyler, who dragged from his cigarette and dropped it to the ground. The boy lifted his eyes then and looked up at Josh.

"I missed you." - He said calmly and his voice sent shivers down Josh's spine. Words resonated it the curly boy's mind again and again until he finally managed to respond.

"I've missed you too, Ty.. But I understand that you want to stay away with me. I've talked with Matty and I respect your-"

"I was wrong." - Tyler cut him off. "I don't want to stay away from you."

"Oh." - Josh blinked. "Well, in that case, I'm always here for you." - Josh tried to smile, but he was sure it looked really awkward and lame. But Tyler smiled back, with his dimples and his crooked teeth and Josh's head started to spin. The brunette reached his hand and pushed the "replay" button on Josh's iPod. He leaned back then, closed his eyes and hummed.

_"If I could be with you tonight_  
_I would sing you to sleep_   
_Never let them take the light behind your eyes"_

Josh's world was blurring from emotion washing over him. Tyler was singing his favorite song, to him, to Josh. He closed his eyes too and let himself get drown in Tyler's slightly hoarse, soothing voice. The boy's vanilla smell has already occupied Josh's mind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh,so much drama, I feel like i'm writing a script for Gossip Girl.

Next day, when Josh was rummaging in his locker, looking for his biology book, he felt somebody tapping on his shoulder harshly. The boy turned around and was met with cold, lifeless blue eyes and cold smirk. Josh swallowed hardly as he recognized one of Brendon's toys.

"Hello, Joshie." - The boy hissed and leaned forward, placing one of his hands on the locker just above Josh's head. 

"What do you want, Dallon?" - The curly boy tried to sound intimidating, but failed, probably because the guy in front of him was at least 6 feet tall and could knock him out with a simple fist-bump.

"Your boyfriend's back,huh?" - Dallon asked, smirk plastered on his annoying perfect face. 

"That's none of your business." - Josh mumbled and walked past the boy, but of course, Dallon grabbed his wrist and turned him around harshly, his back hitting the lockers. "Ouch!"

"Listen to me, you little fag." - The blue-eyed boy whispered. "You are my target now. You will pay for what happened with Brendon and Pete, you got me? And there's nothing that can stop me-"

"Why, you have a crush on our little Brendon?" - Josh hissed, surprised by his own words. He saw Dallon's eyes filling up with fury. He grimaced from the anger and squeezed Josh's wrist harder. "Let me go!" - Josh whined. 

"You better let him go, mate, or you will follow your precious friend's path and get expelled." - A hoarse voice mumbled somewhere behind Dallon's back. The tall guy turned around quickly and his eyes went even more furious.

"You druggie-"

"Oh, please. I've been your dealer for as long as I remember and now I'm suddenly a druggie?" - Matty scoffed. "How rude of you."

"Shut the hell up." - Dallon approached the curly boy, his hands clenched in fists.

"Woah,woah. What's the problem, Daldy? Don't want your beloved religious parents to know about your dirty sins?" - Matty smirked and crossed his arms on the chest.

"You-You'll get what you deserve, you British dick. You fucking will." - Dallon spat and finally stormed off. Josh released the breath he didn't even know he's been holding and felt the relief washing over his body.

"He's such a wanker." - Matty rolled his eyes and scratched his neck. He looked at Josh and sighed. "So.. Tyler told me that he changed his mind." 

"Yeah, he did." - Josh nodded, finally grabbing his book and closing his locker. 

"So, welcome back to the drug-fag-club, I guess." - Matty grinned.

"Wait, you're gay?" - Josh asked as they started walking towards their classroom.

"Nope, I'm nothing at all. I like everything and everyone who is pretty and fuckable."

"So you're pan." - Josh decided.

"Pan? My mom uses those in the kitchen-"

"No, not that pan." - Josh laughed. "I mean pansexual."

"Ugh, I don't dig that Tumblr shit, sorry mate." - Matty whined and scrunched his nose.

"Whatever."

__

Tyler pulled his beanie down to keep his ears from freezing off. He shuffled in place and tried to keep himself as warm as possible. His heart jumped when he finally spotted the familiar blue curls near the school entrance. Josh caught his eye and a soft smile stretched on his lips. He jogged towards Tyler.

"Hey! Are you waiting for me?" - He asked, his cheeks turning pink. Tyler smiled and nodded slowly. "Jay's gone already?"

Tyler nodded once again. 

"Well, okay then." - Josh grinned. "Let's go home. Oh, I found this amazing song today, you have to hear it! It's called _Starboy_. Jesus, I love Daft Punk. Have you heard any of their stuff ? They're amazing and they've been making music for so long now. And nobody has ever seen their faces, can you imagine how cool these guys are?" - Josh was ranting as they started walking dow the street. Tyler was nodding along, listening with the whole interest. 

"They make an electronic music and I'm sure they are the best in that genre. There's only two of them, they're wearing those motorcycle helmets, but like really expensive ones. And they-" - Josh finally stopped as he realized Tyler hasn't been following him for quite some time now. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. Tyler was glued on his spot, eyes wide and staring at something, or someone on the other side of the road. Josh's brows knitted together from confusion. He approached the boy and put a hand on the brunette's shoulder.

"Ty, you okay?" - He asked quietly. Tyler swallowed hardly and shrugged the boy's hand away. He started walking away from his spot and Josh finally looked at where Tyler has headed. His breath hitched as he spotted the figure crouched down on the sidewalk with their back leaned on the bricked wall. He saw Tyler running up to the figure and kneeling beside them. Josh didn't have enough time to think, because his instincts kicked in and he followed Tyler wordlessly. His heart started to hammer like a crazy when he finally recognized the person.

"Matty?!" - He gasped. 

The curly boy's hands were clasped over his face, as if he was trying to hide it away from the boys. Josh spotted blood dripping down his wrists.

"Oh my God, what happened?!" - He asked, panic rising up in his chest. He heard Tyler's breaths becoming loud and rapid beside him. Josh turned his head to the side only to be met with a pair of chocolaty-brown eyes full of worry and fear. 

"Ty, hey, no, no. Breath, it's okay, he's fine." - Josh stammered, having no idea what to do. Tyler gulped and nodded, trying to steady his breathing. His eyes went back to Matty, whose hands were now off his face. He saw the blood smeared all over the boy's face.

"Matty, what happened?" - Josh asked, cupping the boys face and examining it. His nose was bleeding and the lip was busted. "Did Dallon do this?!"

"Ye-Yeah." - Matty answered shakily. Josh's heart sank from the sight. Matty has always been that one person who never had a problem with anyone. Even though he had this facade of a complete dick, Josh knew that in reality Matty was probably the softest person he has ever met. 

"That motherfucker." - Josh hissed, images of Dallon's cold smirk appeared in his mind.

"My h-head's s-spinning, I think I-I have a con-concussion." - Matty slurred and squeezed his eyes shut. "I want to sl-sleep."

"No, you can't sleep, Matty!" - Tyler ordered with his voice dead serious. Matty's eyes flew open from surprise.

"Ty? You-You're talking. Wow. Th-This is interesting." 

"Yes, I am. And you need to stay awake,okay? We're gonna take you to the hospital."

"This is the f-first time I've heard you sp-speak in years. We-we need to celeb-celebrate. Oh-ouch, my head hurts like a bitch."

Tyler looked up at Josh, concern written in his eyes.

"I'll call an ambulance." - Josh nodded. "And then I'll go to school and tell-"

"No!" - Matty whined suddenly. "N-no, no you can't tell anyone! Promise you won't! You can't!"

"Matty, this is serious-"

"No. No, you can't." - The boy mumbled as his eyes closed again.

"Matty, don't close your eyes!" - Tyler shouted and clutched on the boy's shoulders.

"Only f-for a minute, please-please." 

"Josh, call the ambulance, he's passing out." - Tyler pleaded. Josh grabbed the phone from his pocket and quickly dialed the number. He told the operator an address and hung up immediately, dropping his phone to the ground.

"They're on their way,Matty. Stay with us,okay?" - Josh said shakily. "You've got to stay awake,man."

The cold wind was breaking into their bones as the three of them waited for the ambulance. Josh would never imagine he'd find himself in this situation, sitting on the frozen asphalt with one arm draped over Matty's shoulders and the other - holding Tyler's hand. They'd probably laugh about this in the future, but right know Josh was scared and losing his shit. 

"I've got you, Matty." - Tyler was whispering and stroking his friend's dark curls. "Just stay awake.."


	17. Chapter 17

Josh was sitting on the chair next to the hospital bed, eyes locked on Tyler, who was pacing in the room nervously. Matty was sitting on the bed, head thrown back and fingers clutched on his nose. 

"So, Mr. Healy.." - The doctor mumbled as he walked into the ward, holding a huge pile of papers. The man adjusted his glasses and looked down at Matty. "Your nose isn't broken, but we had to take care of your lip. You have a concussion, but not it's not that severe. All you have to do is lie down for a day or two and keep yourself hydrated. Now, I have to ask : did somebody attack you?"

"He got into the fight in the pub." - Josh chimed in. "You know how it happens, drunk people equals angry people."

"Well, in that case.." - The doctor scribbled something down on his papers. "You'll have to sign some papers, and then - you're free to go."

"Thanks." - Josh nodded and the man disappeared into the hallway. "See? I've told you there's nothing to worry about."

"I can't feel my face." - Matty mumbled. "And I feel like my brains are going to explode."

"Nothing is going to explode." - Josh rolled his eyes and got up from the chair. He approached Tyler, who was now sitting on the bed near his friend. "You okay, Ty?"

Tyler nodded slowly.

"Oh, when I passed out I had a dream that you spoke to me." - Matty cracked and pointed towards Tyler.

"I did speak to you, Matty." - Tyler said quietly. The curly boy's eyes went wide instantly, he turned around but nearly fell off the bed from the dizziness. 

"Woah." - He mumbled, steading himself. He looked up at Tyler, shock written all over his face. "I can't believe you're talking! How-Why? I mean, did I have to get beaten up to hear a word from you?" 

"I'm glad Dallon didn't beat the sarcasm out of you." - Tyler smirked. "I don't know why. I just felt like talking, that's it."

"You felt like talking." - Matty repeated slower. "Well, good. Okay. I still think I'm imagining it because you know, I had a fight with a fucking Optimus Prime this morning. And now I can't feel my face."

"You're such a drama queen, I swear to God." - Josh laughed. "I'm gonna go sign the papers for you, and then - let's go home."

"Matty, you're coming to my house." - Tyler announced. "Your house is too far from here and we can't let you take a bus."

"But-"

"No buts." - Tyler crossed his arms on the chest.

"I Liked you better when you didn't talk." - Matty mumbled angrily.

__

Tyler shut the door behind his back and threw his backpack to the floor. He was still holding Matty's bag as they went upstairs to his room. When they approached the door, he heard a loud bang coming from Jay's room. Tyler's brows knitted together as he walked towards his brother's room and opened the door. He saw a boy sitting on his bed with his face concentrated. The huge book was lying in from of him on the floor. Jay's flew up when he heard the door opening. He grinned and waved.

"Hey guys What's up?" 

Tyler raised an eyebrow and looked down at the book.

"I'm kicking the book." - Jay said proudly. "Wanna know what book it is? The Bible. I hate it so much."

Tyler frowned. Jay was the only member in his family who was still praying, who still believed in God.. Well, probably not anymore.

"And I thought you were the weirdest member of your family." - Matty admitted. They were about to go back to Tyler's room when they heard quick footsteps approaching them. 

"Zackie?" - They heard a quiet voice. Tyler turned around and was met with his mother's faded blond hair, tired face and empty eyes. "When did you g-get back?" 

Tyler looked down to his feet and sighed.

"Who-Who's your fr-friend?"

"It's me, Mrs. Joseph. Matty." - The curly boy said quietly.

"Oh, Matthew. H-How nice of you to come and v-visit Zack. You two are l-literally inseparable." - The woman slurred. "Go to you-your room, baby."

Tyler nodded and dragged Matty out to the hallway and then to his room, shutting the door behind them loudly. He approached the bed,fell down on it and sighed. He was so tired of this shit. He was tired of being Zack. He was tired of never being Tyler.

"You're not Zack." - Matty cut the silence like he could read Tyler's mind. 

"I know, Matty." - Tyler whispered.

"You have to tell her. This isn't right."

"There's a lot of things that aren't right in this house and that's the least important one of them." 

Matty laid down on the bed next to Tyler and looked at his friends.

"Ty, you don't deserve this shit. You haven't done anything wrong and you don't have to-"

"You have a concussion, so shut up and rest." - Tyler hissed. The curly boy sighed and run a hand through his hair.

"Can I ask you something? Before you've decided to stop talking again." 

"Yeah."

"Do you like Josh?" 

Tyler's heart missed a beat when he heard the name. _Does he?_ Well, Josh is pretty. He has a nice voice, deep, beautiful eyes, his hands are soft and his lips are easy. He smells nice and Tyler gets this fuzzy feeling when he's with the blue-haired boy. Oh, right, the blue hair. His hair is amazing. It's so curly and bright, Tyler wants to tangle his fingers in his curls and-Oh. Oh, he likes Josh.

"I do." - He admitted. Not to Matty, but to himself. "Matty,fuck. I like Josh."

Matty grinned and nodded.

"Knew it." 

"You did?!"

"Of course,man. Have you seen yourself when you're with him?"

Tyler closed his eyes and sighed. So it was so obvious then. It felt so wrong to like Josh, and so right at the same time.

"We've kissed." - Tyler mumbled. 

"Whaaat?! When?! And you haven't told me?!" - Matty gasped and nudged his friend's shoulder.

"Back off or I'll push you off the bed."

"I have a concussion, you wouldn't."

"Oh, wanna bet?" - Tyler smirked. Matty rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Fine. I'm sorry, you Romeo." - He closed his eyes and the room drowned in silence for the next ten minutes.

"I still can't feel my face,tho."


	18. Chapter 18

hi 

21st of july was a strange day. i tried to kill myself. and failed,lol. what a surprise, haha. my boyfriend had to save his stupid suicidal boyfriend's ass once again. i don't even know what to say. since i'm an adult, nobody has the right to force me to go to the mental hospital, thanks universe. but i promised my mom i'd get better. i promised her,okay? so i will. she's my ray of light. she's my fuckin kitchen sink. it all just got too much. it is hard to deal with homophobic people around me, it is hard to deal with dark and heavy thoughts inside my head, it's fucking hard when your body refuses to produce the right chemicals in your brain. but i promise i will continue writing this story, because my fucking fantasies and imagination are the only thing keeping me sane in this mess. so i guess you're still stuck with me and my lame fic. 

sorry if you thought this was an update, i hate when people do this. i truly am sorry.

oh, and the news about Chester broke my heart. i know what it feels like. and it's so fucking sad. please get help, even if you think that you don't deserve it. you do,i promise. you are important, you are a part of this universe. i know it is hard,i really do.. talk to somebody, ask for a help. don't tie a noose around your neck, tie it around your mind. don't slit your wrists, slit the darkness in your mind. don't take sleeping pills, take the right ones that will help you. and for the love of God (or whatever you believe in) don't try to drown yourself in the bathtub because the person who will find you will get the mental scar for the rest if their life (and it's painful, trust me, your throat will feel sratchy and your chest will ache from the cpr) please just stay alive. and i will too. 

cheers. i love you.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how to express the feelings your comments on the last update gave me. i feel proud and strong. Thank you, thank you thousands of times. i really don't know what to say other than thanking all of you. everything will be alright, i promise you. "stay alive, it is worth it."

"So, Matthew, are you staying over tonight?" - Chris Joseph asked the boy,who was sitting in front of him across the table. Matty nodded, his curls falling down on his face. 

"He's gonna stay in Zackie's r-room." - Tyler's mother slurred while clutching on the glass of wine with her shaking fingers.

"Kelly, Zack is gone." - Chris rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

"What the h-hell are you talking ab-about?" - The woman scoffed. "Open your eyes, his sitting near you-"

"Thank you for the dinner, Mrs. Joseph." - Matty got up from his seat suddenly and cut off the woman. "We will go upstairs and get ready for bed." - The boy darted ouf of the kitchen and dragged Tyler with him. They run up the stairs and locked in Tyler's room. Matty's face was red from anger and fury, he was breathing heavily as he sat down on the bed.

"This is dusgusting." - He hissed. "This is wrong and so unfair. You-You are Tyler. You are her son, you are important and needed and-and worthy, for fuck's sake." - The curly boy was whispering. He looked up at Tyler, who was stading in front of him in the middle of the room, eyes glues to the floor. "Come here." - Matty said.

Tyler approched him slowly and crashed down on the spot beside Matty. The boy embraced Tyler's thin shoulders and let the boy bury his nose in his neck.

"Don't you dare to think that this is right, you hear me? This is wrong. You are not Zack, you are Tyler. Beautiful, funny, smart, cute, talanted and wonderful Tyler. You don't deserve this and you are so, so strong for going through this on your own. But I am here for you. Josh is here for you. I am so proud of you, Ty-guy." - Matty was whispering as he felt Tyler's body trembling and his neck started getting wet from bitter tears falling down his friend's face. 

"You are so unbeliavably strong for not giving up. For fighting, for living. I love you, Ty. I know I can be a dick sometimes, but damn it I love you. I could never wish for a friend better than you."

Tyler curled his arm around Matty's shoulder and let out a shaky breath.

"I've got you, okay? And I'm here for you. Always. Especially when you've got some fresh, good weed."

The brunette couldn't stop a giggle escaping his lips. Matty laughed along and ruffled the messy hair on Tyler's head.

"Come on now, let's sleep. We've got a school tomorrow."

___

Josh was sitting on the bench in the football field, slowly dragging the smoke from the joint he rolled up this morning. The sky above his head was grey and dull, an emtpy feeling in the air was giving him chills. He knew it was going to rain, probably sooner than he expected but he did not plan to move from the spot. He wanted to see Tyler and he knew this was the place where he spent all of his mornings with Matty. Josh breathed out the poisoning smoke. He had a hard time adjusting himself with the thought that he liked ( _loved_ ) Tyler. He had a hard time believeing that he deserved a feeling so pure and bright. The boy heard footsteps approaching him from somewhere behind his back and soon heard a familiar raspy voice and British accent.

"...And you know I hate tomatoes, so when she ordered a sandwich and I saw a fucking tomato in it, I stood up and-oh, hey punk-head." - Matty smacked Josh's back and flopped down on the bench beside him.

"Hi, Matty." - Josh grinned. "Hey, Ty." - He added shyly as he looked up at Tyler. He even gulped from the sight of the thin boy's body wrapped in the oversized red hoodie and the ripped, black jeans hugging his skinny, long legs. Tyler smiled at him. He reached out his slender fingers and took the joint from Josh's fingers. Their fingertips touched for a second and Josh's heart missed a beat.

"Oi, am I interrupting something?" - Matty asked.

Josh rolled his eyes and laughed.

"How's your head,Curly? Are you still dizzy?"

"Nah, not anymore." - Matty shrugged. "I really hope I won't meet the blue-eyed Hulk today."

"I still think we need to tell the principal about what he did to you." - Josh mumbled and furrowed his brows.

"No. No we don't need to, so cut it. Ty, share it with me man, what the fuck?"- Matty whined and Tyler handed him the joint. "I think we should miss the first period."

"You always miss the first period." - Josh answered. "I'm still shocked they haven't kicked you out yet."

"Momma Healy is one of the sponsors for those stupid parades our school arranges every autumn" - The curly boy said and dragged from the joint. Josh's eyebrows raised from surprise. He looked up at Tyler, who was still standing in front of the bench. 

"You knew this?" - Josh asked. Tyler nodded and shrugged. "Wow."

"Yeah, whatever." - Matty finished the joint and threw it to the ground, then stepped on it and let out the smoke left in his lungs. "Hey, has any of you seen Urie or Wentz? Like, anywhere? Do you think they robbed a bank and ended up in the jail? I wouldn't be surprised."

"I've heard Pete's parents have him on the house arrest and Brendon is working in the mall or something." - Josh said.

"Did Ryan tell you that?" - Matty asked.

"Yeah. Poor guy is head over heels in love with the dick." - Josh sighed.

"I know. He's a good guy, I always thought it was strange that he was friends with Ursula. He's so much better than that freak."

"Don't call him freak. Don't call anyone a freak." - Tyler whispered suddenly. Matty's eyes went wide. He straightened up in his seat and cleared his throat.

"Yes. Yeah, you're right. Sorry." - The boy nodded guiltily. Josh stared at Tyler as the boy looked up at the sky and blinked when the small drops of water landed on his pale cheeks.

"Let's get away from here, it's starting to rain." - Matty stated the fact. He got up and shook his head,his curls bouncing around his face. "Coming?"

Josh snapped out of his staring-trance. He quickly rose from the bench and followed the boys out from the field,leaving the crumbled joint and confused thoughts behind.


	20. Chapter 20

Walking down the school hall, the most important person was missing from the Josh's sight. His guts twisted this morning when he passed Jay's class and realized the small boy was absent too. His nose was missing his favourite smell, his fingers ached from not touching Tyler's slender ones. Josh spotted a familiar mess of dark curls near the lockers and walked quickly towards them. 

"Matty!" - he called, causing the boy to jump from surprise. 

"Oi, what the hell?!" - Matty whimpered, putting his hand to his chest. 

"Hi. Where-Where's-"

"Home. He's home." - the boy answered calmly. "Today's the day Zack died. They never come to school on this day."

Oh.

Josh's insides turned upside down. How could he forget? He still clearly remembered the day it happened. He remembered his mother's pained expression as he dialled Josh's father's number and sobbed. _"Oh, Bill.. Josephs. It is bad.. Their boy is gone._

Josh gulped, shaking the memories out of his head and looked up at Matty. 

"I need to see him."

"You're gonne get in trouble for missing so much." - The boy shook his head. 

"It's fine, I don't care, just-just grab Way's homework for me, yeah?"

"Fine." - Matty sighed. Josh still had a hard time understanding why he used to hate the British boy so much. Sure, he was a dick sometimes, but Josh could never wish for a friend better then Matty. Colour-haired boy nodded then, turned around on his heel and stormed out of the school, trying to avoid the teachers on his way. 

___

 

Josh knew exactly where he had to run. Tyler would definetly not spend the day with his family, what really meant was listening to his parents' drunk mumbling. So Josh didn't hesitate and run exactly where he needed to be. After what felt like an eternity, he approached the oat tree in front of Josephs' house. He tried to catch his breath as he bent down and put his hands on his knees. He spotted a familiar sillhouette under the tree and felt a little proud of himsef for guessing where the boy would be. Josh jogged towards Tyler, who was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, lost deep in hos thoughts. He stopped right in front of Tyler, who didn't seem to notice Josh's presence. Josh cleared his throat then to gain the boy's attention. Tyler's eyes snapped up at him. 

"Hey, Ty." - Josh smiled softly and sat down beside the boy. Tyler didn't respond. He stared for a while at Josh, then he gaze returned to the ground. 

"I noticed you weren't in school today and got a little anxious, to be honest." - Josh stated. "I asked Matty about you and he-um. He told me."

Tyler continiued to stare down. 

"I am here for you, Ty." - Josh said, quieter this time. His hand interlaced with Tyler's, his fingers fitting perfectly in the spaces between the boy's fingers. Tyler didn't stirr. 

"I know it's hard. I get it. But you're so strong, Tyler. Life's been a bitch to you, you don't deserve stuff that you've been through.."

A few months ago, Josh would never imagine he'd be sitting on the sidewalk and whispering soothing words to Joseph, the boy he hated so much because of the attraction he felt for him. Tyler's doe eyes, full lips and pointy nose changed Josh's world, changed who Josh was in the first place. He stopped being the biggest bully of the school and probably became the target for bullying himself, but it was worth it. Being with Tyler was worth it. 

"I am here for you and I will never leave your side. I know how important Zack was to you and-"

"He did it on purpose." - Tyler's quiet voice cut Josh off. The curly boy's brows knitted together from confusion. 

"What? Tyler, what does it mean?"

"Zack did it on purpose."

And then it hit Josh. Realization. The air felt heavy, the breathing became too hard. Josh's heart fell to his toes, his head spinned. No, this was wrong. This was not the truth, Tyler was too enotional and probably making this up. This was wrong and-

"I was sitting on our porch when it happened. I saw his car turning around the corner and my stomach filled up with happiness. I loved when Zack came home from work. He would defend me and Jay from.. He saw me, for half a second his eyes met mine, but they were-they were so cold, Josh. So cold and numb. I tried to call his name and wave at him but.. I saw his face when he turned the steering wheel. Only one emotion was painted on it - relief. He was feeling relieved as he turned his car to meet the death. I saw his hands gripping the wheel and never turning it away to avoid the crash. I saw his eyes as his car collided with this tree. I-I saw his body crashing the window. I saw his skull cracking open and I saw blood flowing down his face. I saw his lifeless eyes staring forward, at nothing. I saw how he craved the death.. I saw how he killed himself." - Tyler whispered the last words. His hands were shaking violently under Josh's touch. 

"The crash caused my parents to run out of the house. And then they saw it too. But, in fact, they didn't see anything. They saw his body, they saw the car. But they didn't see what I saw. My mother-she run up to me, started shaking me and yelling at me. She begged to tell her what has happend. But how could I tell her, Josh?" - Tyler looked at Josh, pain filling up his chocolaty eyes. "How could I tell her that her pride and joy decided to kill himself? So I stayed quiet.. For years. Scared that the minute I talked again would be the minute I would have to tell the truth.."

Tears were sliding down Josh's cheeks. His breathing was messed up, loud sobs were escaping his lungs. _I am so sorry. You didn't deserve it. I am so sorry. How could I hurt you when you were going through something so big and horrible?_

Tyler's shaking fingers wiped Josh's tears gently. 

"Please, don't cry." - He whispered. 

"Ty.. Ty-Jesus. I am so s-sorry." - Josh sobbed, locking Tyler's thin body in bone-crashing hug. 

"I still think about whether or not he realized what he was doing to me.." - Tyler whispered as he pulled away after several minutes. "Probably not. When you decide to die - there's nothing holding you back." - His eyes fell down to his wrists. 

Josh's breath hitched. 

"I know you saw it before. It's huge, ugly and hard to hide." - Tyler said quietly and lifted his hand to reveal his scars. "I was so scared, Josh." - Tyler whispered then shakily. 

"I was so scared that it wouldn't work. I was so scared I wouldn't die. But I didn't. And, you know, I am glad I didn't. Because I am not a coward. I won't escape from this hell because I am not scared of it, not anymore.. I am glad my mother found me that day, bleeding out near the kitchen sink. I am glad she saved me, even though she's been doing nothing but killing me slowly, day by day. But I get her, and I feel sorry for her.." 

"So you pretend to be Zack for her.." - Josh said. 

"Yeah." - Tyler nodded. "Because she needs it. Or she will lose her mind. And I can't let that happen.." 

Josh's fingers slowly touched the skin on the brunette's wrist. He gently traced lines over the scars. 

"I am sorry for spilling this out, J. It's dark and heavy and you probably didn't need it. But I haven't told anyone about this before. I-I just- I needed to-" - Tyler finally broke. He trembled, as tears fell down his eyes. Josh quickly hugged the boy once again, as Tyler sobbed into his neck. Josh stroke the boy's hair, whispering soft words into his ear. 

"It will be okay.." - Josh whispered shakily. "I am here, I've got you. I am not leaving you. It will be alright. The Sun will rise and we will try again.." 

Tyler clutched on Josh's back, nails digging thorugh the clothes to the boy's back. His body shook violently as he finally let everything out, after all this years. 

"I love you, Tyler." 

Tyler's breath hitched. 

_"I love you, Tyler. And I promise you, it won't always be this hard. You are strong, so strong. Stronger than me or anyone I have ever known. And even if I'm not around-" - The words were leaving the familiar chapped lips._

_"Zack! No, you will always be around, you have to!" - Tyler whined, as he kicked the ball towards his brother._

_Zack smiled softly and looked down at his brother._

_"Of course,Ty. I will try, for you."_

"I love you so much, Tyler." 

The brunette let his head rest on Josh's shoulder while the boy continiued to hold him. 

Maybe there was a chance that everything would be okay. And Tyler held on that "maybe." 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> funny how i don't need to think of words that Tyler's dad could possibly say, i simply can use the ones my dad used to tell me all the time he was drunk. haha.

_Bang._

Tyler squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears with palms. He curled up on himself in the furthest corner of his room, hood draped over his head, as if it could provide any kind of protection. 

_Bang._

Heart's beating faster, harder. He can literally feel an organ getting ready to jump out of his chest. 

"TYLER!"

_Bang._

Did he lock the door? Tyler couldn't remember. A sharp pain cut through his brain after the realization - he did not lock it. 

The door flew open suddenly and Tyler couldn't stop the whimper escaping his lips. He could see the enormous black sillhouette slumped on the doorframe, staring at Tyler. 

"Tylerrr. Why the-You did not answerr me when I called yourr name!" - His father slurred, barely staying on his feet. The boy got up from the floor on his shaking knees and sniffled. 

"Are you crrying?! Don't you dare-Do you know who I am? I am Chris Joseph!" - The man was shouting, slowly approaching his son. "And you-Who are you? You are nobody." - He spat, nearing his face with Tyler's. 

Tyler felt his body trembling. From anger, horror and anxiety. 

"Why don't you talk, Tyler-r?" - His father asked suddenly, brows furrowed. "Is it because you're gay? It has to do some-something with it. You're gay, Tyler-r! How-Where did I mess up? Why are you gay?!" - Chris growled and pushed the chair that got into his way. Tyler gulped and tried to step back, but his back hit the cold wall. His father was now looking down at him, eyes furiously swirling holes on his body. 

"Why did it have to be Zack?! Why did I have to lose him?! " - Chris barked, his voice cracking. Gulit filled up Tyler's chest. He knew exactly what would follow next. 

"It had to be you, Tyler." - The man whispered shakily and Tyler could see through the darkness how tears streamed down his father's face. "It had to be you, not him." 

The man turned around on his heel and stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him with a loud bang. Tyler slid down the wall, his palm covering his mouth as he tried to silent his sobs. He ended up sitting on the floor with his back leaning on the wall. Tears were choking him, falling down on his hands, knees, wooden floor. Sobs were wrecking his body. 

_I'm sorry,dad. I know it should have been me. I am so sorry for staying alive when Zack didn't._

The brunette wiped his face with a sleeve of his hoodie and tried to calm down, even though the storm in his chest was still destroying everything inside of him. He heard something shattering downstairs in the living room. Chris probably broke one of Kelly's vases. Tyler could relate. 

__

The mornings after were the worst. Because of the pressure. Because of the fact that Tyler had to play on like nothing really happend. World has ended thousands of times for Tyler, but he always woke up next morning and continued to live. Because that's what you do. You live. 

Tyler somehow managed to walk out of his house today without meeting his father. He was glad and even proud of himself for this. He was sitting on the bench in the football field, his hands were shaking harder than ever as he held the cigarette. Matty hasn't said a word since he came. The curly boy saw something in Tyler's eyes. Something that begged him to stay quiet and not talk. So Matty obeyed, even though it was probably the hardest task for Healy's boy - stay silent. Josh was there too. He was sitting in front of Tyler on the ground, legs crossed and eyes narrowed on the brunette boy. 

"Your cigarette has burned, Ty." - Josh finally spoke as he saw the joint turning into ashes in Tyler's fingers. Tyler blinked, like he got snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at his fingers. He dropped the joint then. 

"You okay?" - Josh broke the silence again. Tyler looked up at him and stared for a couple of seconds, then shook his head. 

"Hey.." - The blue-haired boy got up from the ground and flopped down on the bench beside Tyler. "Hey, what happened?"

Tyler continiued to stare at the ground. 

"You know I understand when you want to be quiet but-but you're scaring me. Scaring us." - Josh glanced at Matty, who was staring at Tyler too. 

"It should have been me." - Tyler cracked finally and Josh felt relieved only for a second until Tyler's words got to him. 

"What do you mean?" - He asked quietly. 

"I am so sorry it wasn't me." - Tyler said with his voice shaking. 

"What-"

"He's not speaking to us, Josh." - Matty said quietly. Josh turned his head, his eyes went wide from confuion. 

"Who is he talking to then?! Matty, what's going on?!

Matty hanged his head low and sighed. Suddenly, Tyler jumped from his seat and Josh couldn't even register what was happening as the boy took off from the field. 

"Tyler?!" - Josh shouted as he flew up to his feet and tried to follow the boy, but the strong grip on his forearm stopped him. He looked down at Matty's long fingers squeezing his hand. 

"Let me go! Matty, I need to-"

"Don't follow him. Trust me." - Matty mumbled. "I know you want to but-he needs to be alone."

"How do you even know?!" - Josh shouted, trying to push the boy away. 

"I know, okay?!"- Matty raised his voice suddenly, causing Josh to flinch. "Josh, I fucking know."

Josh felt the grip getting weaker on his hand. Matty finally let him go but Josh didn't move, he didn't follow Tyler. He crashed down on the bench and hid face in his hands. Matty sat down beside him and put his hand on Josh's shoulder sympathetically. 

"It's-It's so hard to just-I want to be with him." - Josh whispered. "I want to protect him, to keep him safe. He needs to let me in, Matty. I-I need to-fuck.."

"I know, J." - Matty sighed. "I know.."

Yeah, the mornings after were the worst. Matty knew it too.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hope you're ready for tears.

Tyler hadn't returned to the school that day. Had he spend the whole day lying under the covers in his bed? Maybe. Had he spend the whole hours praying for help to God he didn't believe in? Maybe. But it doesn't really matter.

__

The next day was rainy. It was raining so hard that Josh was literally dripping wet shen he stepped into the school hallway. He shook his curls and the small drops of water flew into the different directions. He cursed quietly as he felt the water running down his spine under the clothes. He started walking towards the lockers, professionally ignoring Dallon's glares from one of the classrooms. Josh approached his locker and opened it, stuffing his backpack inside. His heart missed a beat as he spotted a familiar thin sillhouette standing a few meters away. Tyler had a hood draped over his head, his oversized sweater making him look smaller than he already was. He was leaning on the lockers with his back and had his eyes closed, but despite this Josh could see the purple circles under his eyelids. The curly boy sighed and closed his locker. The noise seemed to snap Tyler out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes and looked to the left, at Josh. His eyes went wide for a second and he turned his head away. Josh's brows knitted together. Was Tyler avoiding him? He started walking towards the boy, but Tyler quickly grabbed his bag from the floor and tired to get away from the spot. 

"Tyler!" - Josh called the boy. He had to start running to catch up with Tyler. The brunette didn't look back at him. Instead, he started walking even faster but Josh managed to grab his wrist and stop the boy. 

"Tyler, stop!" - He said, confusion and worry eating him alive. Tyler turned his head to the side, avoiding Josh's gaze. 

"What's wrong?" - Josh asked quietly. Tyler stayed quiet, staring at the wall beside them. "Okay. You know what? I don't care. Follow me."

Josh quickly walked out of the school, draggin Tyler beside him and never letting his hand go. They walked a few meters like that until they've turned around the corner of the block,leaving the school behind. Finally, Josh let Tyler's hand fall to his side. He looked down into the boy's eyes and sighed. 

"Why are you avoiding me, Tyler?"

The brunette didn't respond. He continiued to stare at Josh's face, but never directly into his eyes. Josh growled frustrated and run a hand through his hair. The rain was still falling heavily from the sky and both of them were getting wet, but Josh couldn't care less. 

"I don't-I dont get it. I don't get you. One moment you're talking to me, telling me things, fucking kissing me. Then shutting me out. Then talking to me again, making me feel like we're-we're something. And now I just-I don't get it." - Josh shook his head, anger radiating through his body. 

Tyler stayed silent. Something changed in his gaze. He looked lost and small. 

"Please just, let me help you." - Josh whispered, putting his hands on Tyler's neck, gently rubbing small circles with hus thumb. "Ty, for fuck's sake, let me just-"

"I don't want to talk to you or see you ever again." - Tyler said suddenly, with his voice shaking. 

Josh felt his heart shattering. He took a step back, his lips parting from surprise. 

"You don't mean that." - He whispered. 

"I do." - The boy responded. 

"No you're pushing me away only because you're confused and scared and lost and-I want to help you. I want to be with you, I need you to-"

"I don't need your help!"- Tyler yelled suddenly through the rain. "I don't need it, I don't need you!"

The world was spinning around Josh. This wasn't right. This was so fucking wrong, he did nothing to deserve this. 

"I don't deserve this from you." - He managed to whisper. 

"I know. I fucking know. You don't deserve this, you don't need this, trust me. Nobody does. So stay away from me or I swear, nex time I see you - I will fucking ruin you." - With these words, Tyler turned around and quickly walked away from the spot, leaving Josh with the whole world falling down on him.

__

Tyler ran and felt like he left his soul behind him. He ran back into the school, stumbling and pushing through people, drops of water falling down from his wet body. He lost his balance when he tried to push somebody away from his path and ended crashing down on his knees in the middle of the hallway. He cursed and tried to crawl up on his feet but felt a hand landing on his shoulder. His eyes snapped up and met a concerned face. 

"Tyler, what-are you okay?" - Matty asked. He grabbed the boy's hand and dragged him up on his feet. Tyler nodded quickly. 

"Don't you lie to me, man." - The curly lad sighed. He looked at the boy in front of him and frowned suddenly. 

"You did not-You talked to Josh, didn't you? Scared him away again, huh?"

"Fuck Josh." - Tyler mumbled. 

"What?!" - Matty gasped. "Look. You can't keep doing that, Tyler. That's not right, you need to stop. You're my friend and I can't watch how you destroy your life."

Pairs of eyes were watching them, but none of the boys gave a damn. 

"Then don't watch. Stay away from me." - Tyler hissed. 

"You know that doesn't work on me, Joseph." - Matty scoffed. "I fucking love you, man. But you're ruining yourself."

"And that's enough. Enough that I'm ruining myself and taking you down with me. I don't need to destroy Josh too." - Tyler whispered, his emotionless facade finally falling down with a loud crash. Matty sighed and patted his friend's shoulder sympathetically. 

"That's just unfair,buddy. You need to stop torturing yourself only because you stayed alive and someone else couldn't."

Tyler clutched his bag closer to his chest as Matty walked away from him. His eyes slowly filled with bitter tears he couldn't manage to hold anymore. For a moment, he met Josh's gaze, who had just walked into the hallway. The boy's face was cold and numb but softened the second he saw Tyler's bloodshot eyes. He took a step forwad but the brunette turned around and darted away, leaving ho chance for Josh to even approach him. The curly boy's chest filled up with anger again, he shook his head and walked into his classroom.

__

One week. One week Tyler and Josh had been avoiding each other. Or, to give more details, Tyler had been ignoring Josh and Josh had been eating Tyler live with his furious and hateful glare. It felt like they went back to the state they have been for the last couple of years. Josh hating Tyler and Tyler not caring about him.

So after a week Josh lost all the hope he had left inside of him. He lost a hope that Tyler would ever look at him. He was eating his lunch quietly, his table full of loud people he didn't give a fuck about. His gaze darted at the furthest table, where Tyler was sitting. For some reason, he was alone. Matty was not in the school that day and Josh felt strange about that. Tyler was playing with an apple in his hand, his eyes concentrated on it like it was the most important thing in the world. Something stinged inside of Josh's chest. Suddenly, a loud voice rang through the lunch hall. 

_"Tyler Rober Joseph, please report immediatly to the principals office."_

Josh choked on his food, his eyes going wide. Tyler looked just as confused. He slowly got up from the seat and walked out from the lunch hall, abandoning an apple. Curiousity was eating Josh alive, so after 10 minutes he couldn't last any longer, he darted out of the hall and jogged towards the principal's office. He saw the seat near the door was empty, meaning Tyler was already inside. Thousands of thoughts were running through his head as he leaned on the wall and waited. 

After what felt like an eternity, the door opened with a lound bang and Josh quickly straightened as he saw his principal walking out of the room with a worried face. He was talking on the phone and Tyler was nowhere to be seen. The man didn't even notice Josh.

".. Yes, Mr. Smith. Yes, I need you to call his parents. I've asked about where he was yesterday, and if he was in that bar with Healy. He said he wasn't. He-I haven't told him anything, but I before I do-I just need you to call his parents. And I've called a nurse because I don't know how will he react."

_A nurse?!_

Josh couldn't wait any longer. He run up to the man as he hang up the phone and turned around to go back to the office. 

"Hey, no, please wait!" - Josh yelled. The man stopped and looked at Josh with a surprised expression. 

"Dun? What are you doing here? Don't you have a class to-"

"Mr. Iero, I am sorry. Please-Tell me what's going on. I need to-Tyler is my friend and I-"

"Joshua, go back to your class!" - The man tried to block the entrance to his office. 

"Tell me what happend!" - Josh shouted, finally losing his control. The man sighed and cleared his throat. 

"Fine. In fact, you were the next who we were going to call in. Were you friends with Matthew Healy, Joshua?" - He asked quietly. 

"Yes! Yes, I was his-" - Josh's voice suddenly got lost somewhere in his throat. The world started spinning as he realized what he had been asked. The memories of a noodled haired boy swam up in his mind 

"Was?" - A small, quiet voice suddenly rang from behin the man's back. Mr. Iero's eyes went wide as he quickly turned around to face Tyler, who was standing in the middle of his office. 

"No, no, Tyler you need to breathe!" - The man yelled when he noticed the boy going pale. Josh run up to Tyler and wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders to stop him from falling down. He met Tyler's desperate eyes and everything inside if him disappeared. 

"The nurse will be here in a minute, Tyler, you need to breathe, alright?" - The man sounded nervous and even scared. Josh was still focused on Tyler's face. 

"Was-Josh why did he use the past tense?" - Tyler whispered shakily, as Josh cupped his face with his hands. The last week got completely erased from their memories. They were back to being _Josh and Tyler_ again. 

"Ty, baby, it's okay, just breathe okay? I'm sure it's not what you think-"

"I can"t-." - Tyler mouthed. 

"Tyler, breathe!" - Josh shouted as he felt himself getting scared, terrified even. 

"Is he gone?" - Tyler managed to whisper. He stared up at the man who was standing in the doorframe, looking lost and distressed. 

"I've told Smith this was a bad idea. I told him it was better if the police or family told you that, not the fucking school principal." - The man mumbled under his breath. His eyes were filling up with tears. Josh knew what that meant. Suddenly he couldn't feel his fucking heart. He closed his eyes and felt like a dead weight fell down on him. He felt Tyler stumbling back and falling down on the floor. 

"Josh." - The boy managed to breath as he reached his hands forward for Josh. The curly boy quickly kneeled beside him and locked him into the bone-crashing embrace. Tyler let out a broken sob. A scream even. The principal turned around and put hands over his head. 

Josh felt Tyler's nails digging into his back. He wanted to cry, wanted to turn back time and change everything. But he couldn't. The only thing he could was hold Tyler and not let him break. He heard the nurse rushing into the room, but Mr. Iero stopped her and signed for her to go out into the hallway with him. 

Tyler sobbed, his body wrecking and shaking under Josh's touch. Josh knew this was the end of the world for Tyler. He knew that this time he would have to fix the boy alone. Without Matty's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never loved a character more than i love my Matty. damn this was painful and damn this wasn't easy at all. This story's gonna be darker than you've imagined. yeap, sorry. please don't hate me. i beg you


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for death

_12 hours earlier_

The curly boy leaned on the bricked wall and breathed out a poisnous smoke from his lungs. The world around was a huge, dark blur. He glanced down on his watches and tried to see the time through the blur. 2:25 a.m. 

The nights spent at the local clubs were slowly becoming a huge mess in the boy's head. He threw the cigarette away and tried to slowly disconnect his body from the wall. He stumbled a little before steading himself. His ears were ringing from the loud music he had to listen to for the last four hours. His lips were still burning from the taste of alcohol the pretty blonde girl ordered for him. Oh, the girl. Memories of her freckled cheeks and green eyes slowly crawled back into his head. Where did she go? 

He took several steps down the street, trying to block out the annoying light of the street lamps. Everything was so silent around. It was strange. Somehow, he remembered he needed to text Tyler about missing the first two periods, there was no way he would manage to sober up in such a little time. He stopped walking and patted his pockets to take out his phone. Nothing. His jeans pockets were empty, and so was his leather jacket. The only thing he could find was an unused condom. He whined loudly and dropped the condom to the ground. Suddenly, he heard a shuffle behind his back. He quickly turned around and of course, lost his balance. He leaned on the lamp and stared at the sillhouetes in front of him. 

The blonde girl from the club was smirking at him. He had no idea who other three guys behind her back were, but he gave no fucks. 

"Heey! Jess, right?"- The boy slurred and waved at the girl. The blonde rolles her eyes, a cold smirk still plastered on her face. 

"Gemma." - She hissed. 

"Right, right. Sorry. Um.." - He had no idea what to say. The only thing in his mind was the lost phone. Where the hell did it go?

"Did you lose something,darling?"- The girl asked in a tone that was too sweet for Matty's liking. 

"Y-Yeah, I can't find my-"

"This?" - She lifted her hand. She was clutching a familiar phone in her fingers. 

"Yes! Did I leave it on the bar?" - Matty took a step forward but the girl narrowed her eyes and only stepped back, further from the boy. 

"Not so fast, babe." - She said. Matty's brows raised from surprise as he stopped walking. "You didn't leave it. I took it."

"Okay?" - Matty felt confusion taking over his mind. "Why?"

"Are you really that stupid?!" - The girl snapped suddenly. 

"Well, I guess I kinda am." - Matty shrugged. He heard one of the guys clearing his throat, he almost forgot they were with the girl. "Look, Jess, I don't want any trouble-"

"You're British, aren't you? Your accent outs you. Oh, I like your watches. I liked them the moment I saw them on your bony wrist. And your phone is brand new."

What the hell was she talking about?

"Let me guess, you probably have a wallet full of Franklins."

"What?" - Matty couldn't stop a laugh escaping his mouth. "You're kidding me, right? I mean, look at me,sweetheart." - He straigthered in front of them. 

"Do I look rich to you?"

"Well, you really don't." - The girl mumbled. "But your warches tell us-"

"They aren't even mine. I stole them from my uncle. And that phone was a Christmas present from my grandmom. And yes I'm British but I'm not a toursit for fuck's sake. I've live here my whole life." - He slurred. "I've got no money."

"He's lying." - One of the men said suddenly. 

"What? I'm not-"

"Take him." - Gemma whispered. 

In a second, Matty felt strong arms capturing his hands behind his back. His knees met a cold asphalt beneath and sent a sharp pain through his body. 

"Let me go!" - He yelled but another, huge palm covered his mouth. He saw the blonde girl slowly approaching him, her heels sending a clicking sound down the silent block. She crouched in front of him and sighed. 

"You're a stubborn guy, aren't you? Give us your fucking money." - She spat. Matty's eyes were filled up with fear and he had no idea what to do. 

"Okay." - She suddenly said calmly. She got up and turned her back on Matty. "Do it." - She ordered. 

The curly boy was confused as hell. Until he felt a sharp pain cutting through his abdomen. He sucked in a breath and his eyes went wide. The palm from his mouth disappeared and he looked down on his body, only to be met with something.. Red. Red was alarming, red was bad. His shaking hands, which were now free too, clutched on his stomach, trying to stop the flow of the Red. But it was everywhere, it couldn't be stopped. Matty let out a small whimper as he felt a world spinning around him. 

"Take his jacket, watches, purse and keys. I'll wait in the car." - He heard Gemma's cold voice. Then he felt hands taking off his jacket and watches, but all he could care about was the Red. The pain was slowly disappearing and for some reason, he felt.. Calm. His trembling hands were crimson, he stared down on them and knitted his brows together. That was it?

"Sorry, man." - He heard from somewhere above. "You saw our faces, she wouldn't let you go."

"Suck my ass, wanker." - Matty whispered. He heard a car door shutting and wires screeching. In a second, everything drowned in a silence again. 

His cheek met a solid surface, he realized it was probably the ground. Breathing was hard and painful, felt like a part of his was leaving with every sigh. He tried to inhale but nothing went down his throat. He felt void filling his vessel up. 

"Oh,fuck.." - He slurred before he shut his eyes and everything drowned in the silent darkness.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> song of the chapter : Harry Styles - From the dining table. (ikr, I was shocked too but oh dear, this boy is a pure talent)

Josh hadn't really attented to many funerals in his short life. He clearly remembered his grandmother's funeral from when he was just a child. He remembered the tears his mother had shed while saying goodbye to her mother. He remembered people dressed in dull,dark colours. He remembered the way he was hiding behind his father's back while dozens of unknown people walked past him, saddened and distressed. 

The second one was the funeral of their neighbour - Mrs. Posey. She has always been Josh's favourite. All of her cats disappeared the day she died - that was a mystery of the town. Josh will never forget the taste of her cookies and the smell of her perfume. 

But this time - it was different. 

It's been raining for the whole morning. Everything was grey and colorless. Not metaphorically - literally everything seemed foggy. It felt unreal. It was Matty's funeral. Matty. The curly boy who could crack a joke about anything. The boy whose accent was the reason of so many heartbreaks, whose smile was something you would never be able to get out of your mind. The boy who has always been there, always smoking the posionous cigarettes in the furthest corner. The boy who seemed to be a complete dick, but in fact was the purest and kindest person you would ever meet. The boy who was gone. 

Josh's mother was clutching on his forearm and wiping her tears with a napkin. The boy could feel his spine getting wet from the drops of rain falling down on him, but he didn't really give a damn. The priest was mumbling the prayers, knowing nobody was paying attention to him. Matty wasn't religious and this whole scenario seemed pathetic. The only sound that could be heard over the priest's mumbles were the sobs escaping Matty's mother's lungs. The woman was leaning on her husband's shoulder, her body wrecking from the cries and sobs. Josh felt sorry for her and even wished he could take some of her pain away. Matty's father was staring ahead, tears sliding down his face silently. 

Josh saw familiar faces behind Matty's parents. He recognised the boys from his neighbourhood - Adam and Ross. He knew they used to be Matty's friends when they were younger. But, for some reason, they've stopped being friends with the boy, and Josh could see the glimpse of regret in their eyes. They looked guilty, it even seemed like they were apologizing to Matty's ghost silenlty. 

George Daniel was standing next to them. Josh didn't really know the whole story, only the rumours about him and Matty dating secretly. Josh has never heard anything about Matty's love life, but the look in George's eyes was giving him away - Josh could see it. He could see the love, pain, regret, sorrow.. He could see the way boy's knees were shaking and the way his eyes were concentrated on the grave in front of him. Josh could see the lost love in his eyes. 

And then there was Tyler. 

Josh tried not to look at the boy for too long, because he knew he would have a hard time controlling his emotions. Tyler was sitting in the back, behind his mother, who was wheeping and bawling her eyes out. The brunette was staring at the space in front of him. He looked pale, ghostly pale even. His lips were chapped and faded and Josh wanted to lock the boy into his embrace and never let him go. 

A week ago, in the principal's office, Tyler lost a part of his soul. If not the whole soul. Josh was sure Tyler wouldn't survive the news and would die on that cold floor in the office. But he did not. He survived, physically, at least. 

Suddenly, Josh heard slow footsteps approaching from behind. His brows furrowed as he turned around. In a second, his lips parted and eyes widened from surprise. 

Brendon fucking Urie, dressed in a black suit that looked ridiculously perfect on him, was approaching the crowd. His brown, shiny eyes were full of sadness and distress and Josh was speechless from the sight. He saw Ryan walking beside him, their fingers interlaced together. He saw Dallon Weekes, Spencer Smith, Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump and the whole Brendon's gang, all dressed in black. For a second, Josh's chest filled up with anger and fury. They had no right to come here, they've done nothing but bully and hurt Matty all these years. He could imagine Matty's reaction if he saw this whole thing. 

_"Oi, is that really you, Ursula? What happend, got lost on your way to Ryan's arsehole?_

But the look in their eyes stopped Josh from punching them. Regret. Almost everyone around was full of regret and guilt. Almost everyone turned their backs on Matty at some point in their lives. Everyone except Tyler. Josh turned his head and spotted Tyler looking at Brendon at his friends. His face was emotionless and Josh couldn't read anything in his eyes. 

The priest announced that it was the time for them to bury the coffin. Josh's heart stinged at the man's words. They couldn't bury Matty, it was wrong, so wrong. His head turned to the side and he saw Tyler getting up and suddenly starting to walk away from the ceremony. Josh apologized to his mother, gently escaping from her grip and followed the boy. 

Tyler was walking fast and Josh was having a hard time catching up with him. 

"Tyler!" - He called the boy when they were far enough from the crowd. Tyler stopped walking and froze on the spot. Josh jogged to him and stood right in front of the boy. 

"Where are you going?" - He asked quietly. Tyler didn't respond. His eyes were glued to the ground. 

"Hey.." - Josh put a hand on the boy's shoulder. Tyler stepped back, leaning away from his touch. Josh sighed and let his hand fall to his side. 

"Talk to me, Ty.." - He whispered and took a step forward. Tyler did not move away this time, so Josh used the moment and cupped the brunette's face with his hands. "I am so sorry, baby."

Josh felt his voice was shaking, but he couldn't stop emotions washing over him. Why was everything so heavy? He leaned his forehead on Tyler's.

"Tyler, I am so, so sorry. God, this is so unfair. To Matty, to everyone.. To you. But I am here for you, hey, I am here.." - He was whispering. Josh lifted his eyes only to be met with Tyler's cold gaze. His guts twisted. 

"Say something.. Tyler, say something.."

Tyler was silent. 

"Please.." - Josh sobbed, burying Tyler's head in his chest. His fingers were running through the boy's hair. "Please, say something.."

Another eternity of silence followed. Josh finally pulled away and stared at Tyler. He looked in his eyes and saw nothing. Nothing at all. Suddenly, Tyler moved away from Josh's touch and stared back ar him. 

"Ty?" - Josh asked, he was scared. Scared that Tyler has finally lost his mind. 

Suddenly, Tyler approached him and his soft lips landed on Josh's cold ones. It was so unexpected, it happened so fast that Josh nearly gasped. Tyler kissed him with a passion, with something Josh couldn't name. The boy's hands went up to Josh's blue curls, tugging at them weakly. Josh could feel tears sliding down his own cheeks. Josh was just going to respond to the kiss shen Tyler pulled away suddenly, and Josh followed his lips, he did not want to let him go. 

He opened his eyes. Tyler was looking at him, And finally, finally he saw emotions behind his caramel eyes. He saw pain, grief, distress, he saw everythig at once. 

"I love you, Tyler." - Josh whispered, not knowing what else to say or give to the boy in front of him. 

Tyler stared at him for a moment, like he was trying to remember the colour-haired boy,then turned around and quickly walked away, leaving Josh speechless glued to the spot. 

Josh hasn't seen Tyler Joseph for the next 4 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapters will have a time jump. stay alive frens


	25. Chapter 25

"Josh, did you forget to lock the back door again last night?"

Josh sighed and closed his eyes. He put the plates he was holding down on the table and turned around to face his co-worker with a guilty look. Of course he forgot to lock the back door, his head was full of other shit last night. His mother called him from New York, saying she lost a job again. Then he got an e-mail from his professor, reminding him that the assignment papers were due tomorrow and he had written nothing yet. And, like it wasn't enough, Ryan got completely drunk, passed out on the bed and locked Josh out of their door room. He spent the half of the night trying to wake his friend up, and the other half - begging Andy Biersack to let him sleep in his room. 

Ashley cleared her throat, snapping Josh out of this thoughts. She crossed her arms on the chest and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry, Ash." - Josh breathed and run a hand through his messy curls. He dyed them pink last week and was still getting used to the change. Ryan said it really suited him.

"Look.." - The girl sighed and looked up at Josh with a sympathetic look. "I know you're going through some shit, but we can't let someone get in and rob us, right? Mikey will kill us if anything happens."

"I know, Ash. I promise this is the last time, it won't happen again." 

"Okay." - Ashley smiled. She had a really pretty smile. She was a beautiful girl in general, too bad Josh played for the other ream. Customers often thought he and Ashley were siblings, probably because of their hair. Ashley had a buzzed hair dyed in blue and Josh, well, he changed his color almost every month. 

"We have a customer." - Ashley nodded towards one of the tables. "Go take their order and I'll deal with those dishes"

Josh nodded once again, took out the small notebook from the pocket and walked towards the two men sitting on the furthest table.

"Hello, I am Josh, welcome to the "Burger-joint." Can I take your order?" - He asked with a fake smile plastered on his face.

One of the men looked up at him from the menu. His features were soft, but the look on his face was emotionless.

"I would like to have a cheeseburger with side fries. And Sprite. You?" - The man looked at the blond guy sitting in front of him.

"Yeah, same." - The other man mumbled without lifting his gaze from the menu. 

"Sure." - Josh scribbled the order down into his notebook. "Will be ready in ten minutes."

He turned around and went back into the kitchen, were Ashley was rummaging in the cupboards, probably looking for the sponge. Josh reached for the shelf above the girl's head, took a sponge and handed it to Ashley.

"Oh, thanks." - She grinned. Josh leaned on the wall near the window.

"Jess!" - He called loudly.

"Yeah?!" - The voice came from the kitchen next door.

"Two cheeses with side fries!" - Josh yelled.

"Got'cha."

The color-haired boy approached the fridge,took two Sprites out and stared pouring them into the glasses.

"I don't like them." - Ashley asked.

"You don't like any of our customers." - Josh responded.

He quickly brought the drinks for the customers and once again, gave them a fake smile. He had a feeling in his guts this was going to be a long day.

__

Of course, his guts were right, as always. For some reason, the place was literally full of people that evening and the hope of writing his assignment in his free time has died in Josh's brain. Somehow, he managed to teak a five minute break and was now standing in the backyard, texting Ryan to not lock him out again.

He heard footsteps approaching him, so he put his phone back into the pocket and turned around. He saw Ashley smiling up at him.

"So that's where you've disappeared." - She said.

"Yeah, my head would blow up if I didn't get some fresh air." - Josh shrugged. "Those are gonna kill you one day, you know." - He nodded towards the cigarette that's been rested between Ashley's fingers.

"Yeah, whatever." - She rolled her eyes and sat down on the stairs in front of Josh. "What are you doing here?"

"Texting my roommate not to lock me out tonight."

"That has happened before?"

"Yeah, more times that you can imagine."

Ashley laughed and shook her head.

"I still don't get it how you do this. Study, work.. Where do you get the time for both? Or do you own a Time-Turner I don't know about, Hermione?"

"Yes, you've exposed me." - Josh laughed. 

"Hey, you two!" - They heard a familiar voice calling from the building. "Get back to work before I snap your necks!" 

"Okay, Mikey, relax! Jesus." - Ashley rolled her eyes and got up, throwing her cigarette away. "Let's go, time-traveller. We've got hungry people to serve."

__

Josh wouldn't say his life was hard. Yes, it was kind of difficult at times, but it's not like he wanted to kill himself because of it. But right now, if you asked him which he preferred: being shot in the head or standing there and listening to an old woman mumbling and deciding her order - he would choose the first.

"Okay, so this-this is your strawberry milkshake,right?" - The woman slurred and pointed at one of the pictured in the menu.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And this is the banana one?"

"You're absolutely right."

"And what about this one?"

"That's a chocolate one."

"Oh, okay. And do you have a coffee?"

Josh wanted to slap himself. He smiled at the woman and mumbled.

"Give me a minute, I'll be back with all the information you need."

He quickly walked away from the table and neared Ashley, who was counting the money.

"Please, for the love of God, switch tables with me. I beg you. Or I will strangle her with my bare hands." - Josh whisper-screamed with his eyes wide. Ashley laughed and nodded.

"Fine, take the table six, I haven't taken their order yet." - She pointed to the girl and a boy waiting for them.

"Thanks!" - Josh placed a small kiss on the girl's cheek and walked towards the table, grabbing the notebook on his way. Something twisted in his stomach as he approached it, but he tried to ignore it. He smiled at the girl (because it always works).

"Hello, welcome to the Burger-joint. I'm Josh, Can I take your order?"

"Oh, hi!" - The girl giggled. "I'd like to have a hamburger with double cheese and-"

"Josh?"

A familiar voice that burned everything down in Josh's body. He felt shivers running down his spine as the breath got caught in his throat. He wanted to disappear and not face the person who was staring up at him.His world was spinning, head was exploding. No, this isn't real, this can't be happening, after all these years. This was wrong. His eyes managed to crawl to the side and _boom_. The missed shade of brown, a mix of chocolate and caramel. Pointy nose, full lips and bushy eyebrows. His nightmare and his day dream. 

Tyler was staring up at him, with his lips parted and eyes wide from surprise. Josh wanted to die because God, Tyler was so beautiful, after all this time. He was even more beautiful than Josh remembered him.

"T-Tyler, hey. Hi?" - He stuttered. It costed him all of the energy he had not to collapse right there, in that spot.

"It's pink." - Tyler said, staring at Josh's hair.

"Oh, um, yes I-I've dyed it last week. How-What are you doing here?" - Josh asked with a shaking voice.

Tyler didn't respond. He got up from his seat suddenly and looked down at the girl.

"Mads, excuse me, we'll be right back."

Tyler grabbed Josh's hand and guided him out of the building. From a simple touch, Josh felt electricity flowing through his entire body. Tyler finally let his hand go when they were out in the street. He leaned on the wall and stared at Josh, who was staring back at Tyler. Suddenly, anger filled up his whole body. Josh stepped forward and neared the boy.

"What the hell are you doing here, Tyler?" - He asked, louder this time. Tyler pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lighted it, placing it between his lips. Josh missed the sight. He missed the way Tyler's plump lips would drag the smoke from the joint and blow it into the air.

"I'm having a dinner with my cousin." - Tyler replied coldly.

"No." - Josh took one more stop towards him. "What are you doing here, in this town?"

"I'm back."

Two words crushed the whole world down Josh's head. Two fucking words.

"You're back." - He repeated them stunned. "You're-You dick." - He snapped suddenly, catching Tyler by surprise.

Josh neared him even more, his face inches away from the brunette.

"You dick. You've disappeared, fucking vanished. I've been looking for you, I was waiting. Four years, Tyler! Four fucking years!" - He was yelling now, his hands shaking violently. 

"But I am back now." - Tyler replied with a calm voice and Josh wanted to snap his vertebras. Josh groaned from frustration and run a hand over his face. 

"You're such a dick." - He scoffed and shook his head. "Why did you get back?!"

Tyler didn't answer. He stared down on the wet asphalt beneath him. Josh grabbed the boy's shoulders roughly and asked again.

"Tyler, why did you get back?!"

"My mom overdosed."

Once again, the air got knocked out of Josh. He inhaled sharply and let Tyler pull away.

"Jay called me two days ago, said she overdosed on heroin. I guess the alcohol hasn't been enough for her. So here I am.. Back."

Josh wanted to say something, but he couldn't find any words. Felt like he was back to being a high-schooler, having a crush on his best friend and having no idea what to say to him.

"I-I'm sorry." - He managed to mumble.

"Don't. I don't give a fuck." - Tyler shrugged with a emotionless face. He threw the cigarette down on the ground and stepped on it. 

"She's your mother." - Josh said surprised.

"I don't give a fuck. Not anymore."

Josh's eyes caught the sight of Tyler's scars on his wrists. For some reason, he felt the same pain he was feeling back then every time he saw them. They've stood there, in complete silence for the next five minutes, until Tyler spoke up.

"I'm heading back." - He mumbled and walked past Josh towards the entrance.

"What-Wait!" - Josh turned around and called the boy. Tyler looked back at him.

"Are you going to leave again?" - He asked quietly. Tyler stared at him for a moment then looked away and sighed.

"No, Josh. I'm not going anywhere this time."- He turned around and went back into the building. 

No, Josh's life wasn't hard. But, to give it a second thought, he did want to die sometimes. Especially now, when his knees met an asphalt painfully and he let out a shaky breath from the shock, watching as Tyler disappeared into the doors.


	26. Chapter 26

"Why does it have to rain every fucking time when I have a morning class?" - Ryan whimpered as he was putting on his grey hoodie. He walked away from the window and stared down at Josh, who was laying on his bed, looking up at the ceiling.

"You don't have any classes 'till 2." - Ryan stated,his brow raised. "Why the hell aren't you sleeping?"

Josh shrugged silently, his gaze still locked on the white ceiling. He felt his bed lowering from the weight, so he looked to the side and saw his curly friend sitting down on the mattress. Ryan sighed and cleared his throat.

"I'm listening."

"Nothing''s wrong, Ryan." - Josh rolled his eyes and returned his gaze back to the spot he's been staring for the whole morning. 

"Stop lying, Dun." - Ryan pushed him weakly. "Talk."

"Fine." - The pink-haired boy growled and sat up, looking his friend in the eyes. "I met Tyler last night."

"What?!" - Ryan's eyes went wide. "You mean Tyler Joseph?! Like, from-"

"Yes, we don't know any other Tylers, Ryan." - Josh mumbled.

"How-Is he back?"

"Yeah." - Josh nodded. "God, it was awful. I-I shouted at him, called him a dick. Fuck, it was such a pathetic move."

"Well, let's face it, he is a dick." - Ryan said. "He left for four years. No calls, no text. I personally thought he was dead somewhere in Mexico.."

"Ryan!" - Josh slapped his friend's neck. "He's not a dick. I've been blaming him for so long, I-I thought I hated him, but damn it.. I think I still-"

"Woah,woah,woah." - Ryan jumped to his feet and hushed Josh. "You better think before you say the L word. You haven't seen him in years, that's just your emotions talking. Use your brain, for God's sake. He left you."

"He left everyone!" - Josh snapped. "He left his family. His mother, brother, he left his life behind him, he wanted to run away from what happened to him. And you know what, I don't judge him. I used to, but not anymore. He lost too much in this town, so I'm glad he escaped."

"But you're also glad that he's back." - Ryan sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am." - Josh shrugged. Ryan neared his friend and patted his shoulder sympathetically. 

"Try not to get your heart broken again. You know it sucks. We both know it. We've wasted too much time fixing you after he left. Just.. Be careful,yeah?"

"Okay,mom." - Josh rolled his eyes and smiled. "Go to your fucking classes."

__

Was it a surprise for anyone that Josh ended up walking straight towards Tyler's house the minute he left his dorm? Despite the fact that he had to walk 20 minutes to get there and it was heavily raining, Josh still had a feeling in his guts that it was the right thing to do. Was he pathetic? Yeah, he probably was. But he needed to talk to Tyler. Or even just see him. He's been too far for too long and Josh refused to waste any more time staying away from the boy. He saw the familiar yard, familiar house and of course, the Oak tree. His heart twisted, he has never really visited Tyler's house while the brunette was away. Probably because he was too scared to ask about Tyler, too scared to hear the answer. Josh saw Tyler's backyard and breathed in. He spotted somebody with a ball and basketball jersey,running around and playing. He didn't recognize the person, but he could say for sure it wasn't Tyler. His brows knitted together as he approached them. The person didn't seem to notice Josh, so Josh cleared his throat loudly to gain their attention as he neared them. 

A tall boy jumped from surprise and turned around to face Josh with his eyes wide. The ball fell from his hands as he stared at the color-haired guest.

"Um. Hi." - Josh waved awkwardly. "S-Sorry if I scared you, I just wanted to ask if you maybe knew where Tyler is?"

God, Josh sounded so pathetic he wanted to slap himself. The boy stared at him for a moment, then something flashed in his eyes and he suddenly grinned at Josh.

"Josh Dun? Is that really you?" - He asked with a raspy voice. 

Instantly, realization hit Josh. He couldn't stop the gasp escaping his lungs as he finally recognized the boy in front of him.

"Jay?!" 

The boy smiled even wider and nodded. To say that Josh was shocked was an understatement. Jay looked nothing like the small boy Josh has remembered. He was taller, he gained some muscles, even his face has changed. He looked more like Tyler, Josh could see it now.

"What are you doing here,man?" - Jay asked as he grabbed the bottle from the ground and drank some water. 

"Well, I-I heard Tyler's back." - Josh scratched his neck.

"Yeah, he's back." - Jay nodded, his face suddenly turning cold and emotionless. "That bastard." - He mumbled.

"What?"

"No, nothing." - Jay shook his head. "I haven't seen ya since your graduation,man. Where the fuck have you been?"

Josh knew that Jay's appearance wasn't the only thing that has changed in him. His attitude, behavior, even talking manner. Everything was different. He'd heard the news about Jay having troubles in school, missing classes and even beating up someone. Losing Tyler was hard for him, too, Josh knew.

"I don't know. I've been around, you know. Working and stuff." - Josh stuttered, having no idea what to say.

"Well, anyways, Tyler's inside, probably sorting mom's clothes. We've decided to send them to homeless' shelter, you know, to help people and shit" - Jay's voice cracked at the last part. 

"I'm really sorry about your mother, Jay." - Josh sighed. 

"Yeah,it is what it is." - Jay shrugged. "I blame Tyler for what happened to her. It's completely his fault."

"Why do you think it's his fault?" - Josh asked surprised.

"She was devastated when he left. She tried to fucking drown herself in alcohol, but it wasn't enough. I had to drag her, passed out from alcohol, all the way through our yard, every fucking night. And then do the same with my father. That motherfucker-He run away. He left me with them, all alone. I had to take care of them, and I was a fucking child, Josh. It was too hard for her, losing her second child. At some point, we fucking thought he died, you know." - Jay hissed. Josh couldn't judge him. He was right, Tyler left them,all of them.

"So yeah, it is his fault that mom died. It is his fault that I've spent half of my teenager years taking care of my non-functioning family instead of going to school and parties. It is his fucking fault that-"

"We get it." - A quiet voice cut Jay off. Josh turned around and saw Tyler, leaning on the wall of his house, cigarette dangling from his lips. "We get that I've been a horrible monster to you. Cut if off,Jay."

"Fuck you, Tyler." - Jay flipped his brother off and threw the ball to the ground, then turned around and stormed into the house. Josh was still staring at Tyler, not being able to say anything.

"What, gonna give me a lecture now?" - Tyler asked coldly. Josh shook his head in response. "Is that why you came?"

"I came to see you."

"Why?" - Tyler asked surprised.

"I-I wanted to talk to you. About everything. I mean, you were my friend, Tyler.." - Josh knew he sounded like a baby, by he did not give a damn,

"We were never _just_ friends, Josh." - Tyler rolled his eyes. "And you know it."

"Where were you?" - Josh asked suddenly. He approached Tyler as the boy sat down on the porch. "Where did you go?"

"Places." - Tyler shrugged. 

"What places?" - Josh sat down near Tyler.

"What, you wanna hear my sappy story?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Okay." - Tyler nodded and dragged from his cigarette. "I had 200$ when I left. I stole them from my father's wallet, he would probably spend them on alcohol or something. I hitchhiked to LA, some strange dudes offered me a drive and of course I agreed. Turned out they were some club owners in the center of the town. They were looking for somebody who would work for them. At that time, I needed money like oxygen, so once again, I agreed. They gave me some shitty, one-room apartment near the club. That's where I've spent my first two years. Working in the nights as a fucking slut, sleeping around and taking money for it."

Josh's heart was hammering in his chest as he listened to the boy talk. He would never imagine Tyler could do anything like that. Tyler was not a slut. Tyler was a quiet boy in the corner of the class, who listening to his curly best friend's funny stories and who didn't give a damn about anything else in the world. That's who Tyler was.

"After some time,I've collected enough money to rent a normal apartment and find a new job. But again - the fortune wasn't on my side. I met the wrong people, wrong crowd. I got into deep shit. Drugs, heavy drugs. Day and night, 24/7 I was high as fuck. Jesus, I barely remember anything from that time. But then Jay called me. I don't know how he got my number, probably saw an advert for a club years ago, I don't know. I was coming down from some shit when he told me about mom and at first, I thought I was imagining it, imagining his voice. He told me our mother died from an overdose. And you know what? I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I haven't felt anything since Matty." - Tyler's voice shook at the boy's mention. Josh's world was already spinning around him from all the information he's been handed.

"God, Matty. I've thought about him everyday for the past four years. Every fucking day. I thought about his laugh, I thought what would he tell me if he knew how was I living? I know he would be disappointed and even angry, but damn it. He's gone. Poof, gone. And he's never coming back. And I-I can never forgive myself for not spending enough time with him. He was wise, God he was so wise. He was a psycho, yeah, but he was also so wise. I even miss his shitty jokes." - Tyler laughed and shook his head. Josh smiled at the memories washing over him.

_Three of them, sitting on the football field, sharing a joint and talking about everything and nothing._

"I've thought about you too, you know." - Tyler said suddenly. "I've thought about what you've said to me,before I left."

"Really?" - Josh asked, hope rising up in his chest.

"Yes. And I was-still am surprised, how could someone like you fall in love with someone like me? I mean, you-you were this kind, understanding ray of a fucking sunshine and I was a mess. God, I still am a mess.."

"Have you ever loved me back?" - Josh asked and mentally slapped himself once again.

Tyler stayed quiet for a minute, cigarette burning in between his fingers.

"Yes." - He finally answered and Josh felt like he was choking on the air. "Yes, I have loved you. That's one of the reasons why I ran away. I got scared.."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. Losing you? I lost almost everyone around me." - Tyler said sadly and Josh wanted to hug him so much.

"But I'm here. And-And you wouldn't lose me."

"Like I didn't lose Matty? Or Zack? Or Jay? I've ruined his life." - Tyler scoffed. "It's undeniable that I'm a fucking magnet of bad things."

"You're the only good thing that has ever happened to me." - Josh said before he could stop himself. Tyler stared at him with a surprised expression. He smiled then, with his dimples and crooked teeth. 

"I was probably the worst thing in your life. But thanks."

They sat there, in complete silence. Josh letting everything Tyler said sink in. He had so many questions, but he did not know from where to start. Tyler was the first to get up from the porch. He patted Josh's shoulder and threw the cigarette away.

"I'm gonna go inside, finish sorting mother's clothes." - He mumbled. "Thanks for stopping by." 

Josh quickly got up on his feet.

"Do you think we could, like, meet tomorrow? For coffee-or I don't know. Anything?"

Tyler smiled and shrugged.

"Who knows, Josh. Maybe we could.."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love this story. hi, i'm back,lol

Josh shut the door behind his back and flopped down on the bed. His head was pounding and he was freaking exhausted from the morning classes. The curtains were drained in the room and he clearly heard the water running in the shower, which meant Ryan was still in the bathroom. He sighed and closed his eyes. He had a night shift the next night, meaning he wouldn’t get enough sleep in the morning. He was sure that soon his brains would just melt and he’d become a walking vegetable.

His phone buzzed in the pocket. He took it out at peeked at the screen with one eye.

_Unknown : Hey, Josh. It’s Tyler. It'd be strange if you haven’t changed your number after all these years, but still it's worth a try. Maybe we could meet today? For, you know, coffee._

Josh shot up in his bed, staring at his phone with wide eyes. Was he imagining it? Was Tyler really texting him, asking to meet? He felt the adrenaline running through his veins as he typed the response shakily.

_Me: Hi, Ty! Sure, I’d be happy to see you. And yes, I haven’t changed it. Oops. :)_

The bathroom door opened and Josh’s eyes snapped up only to be met with a familiar silhouette. 

“Where’s Ryan?” - Josh rushed, his voice cracking from the nerves and excitement.

“Well, hello to you, too.” - Brendon mumbled as he dried his hair with a towel. “He’s out to get some pizza. “What’s up?”

“Uh, nothing.” - Josh lied. “Just got a text from an old friend. Anyways, um,what were you saying about the plans for tonight?”

“You mean Pete’s party?” - Brendon fell down on Ryan’s bed. 

“Yeah. Wait, didn’t he have a party last night?”

“He’s having some kind of a mid-life crisis at the age of 22.” - Brendon shrugged. “So he decided to become a J. Gatsby and invite people to his parties every fucking night.”

Josh’s phone buzzed in his hands.

_Unknown: Meet me at 8 at Joint._

Josh swallowed hardly, glancing at Brendon. He didn’t really want to tell his friend he met Tyler. It still felt weird, even though Brendon has changed. He became a completely different person, he had nothing in common with a dickhead Urie from high school. This Brendon was his friend. Brendon who walks into your room without knocking, with a box of pizza in his hands. Brendon who sings in your shower so loudly that your neighbors end up calling you on the phone and cursing at you. 

“Josh.” - Brendon’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “So? You coming tonight?”

“Yes” - Josh nodded. “Yeah, sure. I'll be there at 11.”

__

Josh was sitting in front of Tyler. His fingers were hugging the mug of sweet coffee as his eyes wondered on the boy’s face. He tried to memorize every detail of Tyler’s appearance, in case he decided to disappear again. But, for some strange reason, Josh had a feeling in his guts that Tyler wasn’t going anywhere. Not this time.

He was practically invisible in his huge, black hoodie. His eyes were swirling holes on Josh’s face the same way they used to 4 years ago. This was the same Tyler. But he was so different.

He cursed more. He smoke more. He looked.. More dull, more empty. And Josh thought that was impossible, Josh thought Tyler was already sad enough years ago. 

“Are you done with staring at me, you creep?” - Tyler chuckled softly.

“Oh.” - Josh blinked and shook his head. “Sorry. Still getting used to the fact that you’re back.”

“Yeah, me too.” - Tyler nodded. “It’s so strange. Getting back to the place you wanted to run away from for so long. Every place is full of memories, every God damn corner..”

“I’m sure there are places that remind you of a good stuff,too.” - Josh tried to smile.

“Of course there are.” - Tyler answered. “But most of those memories are filled with people that are gone now. And it’s-I don’t know how to explain.”

“You don’t have to explain anything.” - Josh reached out for Tyler’s hand. “I get it.”

“You really do, Joshua Dun.” - Tyler smiled at him and Josh’s insides melted. Tyler’s smile still had the power to do this to him.

“Josh!” 

A familiar voice rang through the place. Josh stiffened, his breath hitched. His eyes raised up to the front door where his tall, blue-eyed friend was standing. Dallon waved at him and approached his table.

“Hey man, what’s up? Thought you didn’t have a shift tonight.” - Dallon rambled, clutching a cup of coffee and sunglasses in his hands.

“I don’t, I’m here with my friend.” - Josh mumbled.

“Well, okay. Anyways, Brendon told you about Wentz’s party,right? He said he’d- _Oh._ ” - Dallon’s voice cut off. He finally glanced down at the person sitting in front of Josh. Shock was written all over his face as he parted his lips to say something but failed.

“Um, Dal, you-you remember Tyler, right?” - Josh stuttered. 

Dallon flashed an awkward smile at Tyler and scratched his neck.

“Of course I do. Hey, Tyler. How are you? Didn’t know you were back.” 

Tyler just stared back, no sound escaping him. Josh got hit with a heavy nostalgic feeling, because that’s exactly what old Tyler would do. Stare and stay silent. Dallon was shuffling from one feet to another, looking awkward.

“I’m coming. To party, I mean.” - Josh finally managed to say. 

“Oh, okay.” - Dallon nodded quickly. “I’ll go, then. It was nice to see you, Tyler. We’d be happy if you came to the party tonight.” - The boy smiled,waved at them and walked out of the place as fast as he could.

Josh felt guilty. So fucking guilty.

“So, you’re back with your old friends then?” - Tyler asked after minutes of silence.

“Yes, it’s.. Look, they’ve changed, Tyler. They are not the same-“

“Josh.” - Tyler cut him off.

Josh blinked at him.

“You don’t owe me an explanation about who you’re friends with.” - Tyler shrugged. “And you know what? I’ll come to the party.” - He announced suddenly.

“Are you sure?” - Josh couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. “I mean, they all will be there-“

“I am sure. Just tell me place and time.”

Well. Josh was surprised as hell.

__

The minute Tyler stepped into the house, he felt a stinging smell of alcohol running up his nostrils. He looked around, exploring the surroundings as the music rang loudly in his ears.. It was definetly nothing like the parties he used to go to in the last couple of years. There was less violence, less naked dancers and drugs. Actually, Tyler doubted there were any drugs there at all. It looked like a middle school party, and, to be honest, he liked it. He missed not being the entertainement of other people. He missed enjoying his time.

He felt a light squeeze on his shoulder.

“I’ll go get us some drinks, yeah?” - Josh mumbled into his ear. Tyler nodded and gave him a warm smile.

When Josh disappeared into the crowd, Tyler glanced at the people sitting in the center of the room. His heart missed a beat as he recognized the familiar faces.

Ryan was sitting in Brendon’s lap, his arm curled around the boy’s neck as he was whispering something into his ear. Brendon was nodding along, playing with a strand of Ryan’s hair. Pete was there,too. His arm thrown around some long-legged girl’s shoulders, as he looked at her adoringly.

Even from the distance, Tyler could tell they were not the same people he used to know back in high school. Brendon looked different. His hair was styled up in a quiff, his awkward-looking bangs long gone. His biceps were wider, there was a visible stubble on his cheeks and jaw. Black, thick glasses were sitting on his nose. Tattoos could be seen all over his arms, colorful and pretty ones. Even his mimics were different, something Tyler’s wasn’t used to. 

Then he looked at Ryan. At the way he was staring deep into Brendon’s eyes, love and passion radiating from his honey orbs. His curls were longer, he was wearing an oversized red sweater and black skinny jeans - something old Ryan would never have enough courage to wear. Suddenly, their gazes met. Tyler flinched and tried to look away, but spotted how Ryan leaned forward and whispered something into Brendon’s ear. In a second, Brendon’s wide eyes met Tyler. 

That was it. He couldn’t deal with this now. Tyler turned around quickly and reached for a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. He placed one into his mouth and lighted it. The soothing warmth of smoke filled him up. 

He felt a tap on his shoulder and he knew it was too late to run away. He sighed and turned around slowly.

There he was. Brendon Urie, standing under the strange neon lights and looking at Tyler with his surprised expression.

“Tyler?” - He asked, brows raised.

“Yeah.” - Tyler nodded.

“Oh my God-Hiey Tyler, when-when did you come back?” - Brendon asked, too excited for Tyler’s liking.

“A week ago, or something.” - He mumbled. He remembered the reason he came back and suddenly felt heaviness in his chest. He could tell by the soft look in Brendon’s eyes that he knew the reason behind Tyler’s return too.

“How are you, man? Ry told me he saw you in the crowd and I thought he was hallucinating-” 

“So, you two are together now?” - Tyler cut him off. Brendon blinked and scratched his neck awkwardly.

“Yeah. Have been for two years,now.”

“I see. I guess, you’re not the homophobic dick anymore, huh?” - Tyler smirked and dragged from his cigarette.

Brendon swallowed hardly, guilt written all over his face.

“Look, Tyler.. Ever since Matty-“

“Don’t you dare to speak his name.” - Tyler hissed.

“Sorry.” - Brendon shook his head. “I just- There wasn’t a day I haven’t regretted everything I’ve ever done, or said. God, I was awful, I-“

“Brendon, stop it.” - Tyler sighed. “I get it. You’ve changed. We all did. Nothing you say can change the past. It happened. But it was a long time ago.”

Brendon was still staring at him when Tyler smiled at him softly.

“Relax.” - He shook his head. “I won’t say it’s okay, but I don’t care. Not anymore.”

Brendon smiled back at him.

“Well.. I’m really glad you’re back, you know. You just-You disappeared. And we all blamed ourselves..”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” - Tyler shrugged and looked at Ryan, who was now casually chatting with Patrick. “So,you love him,huh?

Brendon didn’t even turn around to know what Tyler was talking about.

“More than anything.” - He responded instantly.

“Good.” - Tyler nodded and finally threw his cigarette into the cup that was standing on the table near him. “It’s good, Brendon.”

The raven-haired boy smiled once again and patted Tyler’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna go back to the boys,now. It was nice seeing you, Tyler. I mean it.”

“I know.” - Tyler said. “See you around, Ursula.”

Brendon chuckled and shook his head. He walked back to his friends and placed a small kiss on Ryan’s lips before flopping down on the couch beside him. Ryan's eyes snapped up at Tyler. Tyler smiled at the brunette, then turned around and was just about to leave the spot when he saw Josh approaching him with two cups.

He walked towards him, grabbed the cups from his hands and placed them down on the table. Then he took surprised Josh’s hand and leaded him out from the house to the front yard.

“Tyler, what’s going on?!” - Josh asked as he tried to follow the boy stumbling.

Tyler stopped and turned around to face Josh. The boy was staring at him, with his lips parted as the deep breaths left his lungs. He was standing there, under the fucking moonlight and he looked beautiful, magical even.

Probably, that’s why Tyler’s hands flew up to his neck and his lips locked Josh’s chapped ones.

And God, he misses this, He missed the feeling of belonging to someone, the feeling of home. He missed the taste, he missed the sensation. The shivers running down his spine and blood boiling in his veins.

“Josh-“ - He breathed, pulling away for only a second. “Josh, get me out of here. Take me to your place and fuck me, Josh.”

In that second, Joshua Dun’s world turned upside down once again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi. miss me? it's the last chapter. i love this fic, i really do. it owns a special place in my heart, so yeah.. this was emotional.
> 
> disclaimer: there is no smut. because it feels strange and awkward to write stuff like that about people i don't even know. so i've decided to just skip that part? yeah. leave it all to your imagination. or read it somewhere else, there's plenty of that on the internet :D

Josh unglues his eyes, blinking the sleep away. The last night has became a big, messy blur in his mind. He remembers only pieces of the whole evening. But he clearly remembers everything that has happened in this bed just a few hours ago. He had sex. No, wait. _He had sex with Tyler._ The same Tyler that has been gone for the last couple of years, lost with no trace to follow. And suddenly, he came back and crawled right into Josh's heart. _And bed._ Josh sits up, rubbing his eyes. He spots a familiar silhouette standing near the window with his back facing Josh.

"Ty?" - He rasps, his voice still hoarse from sleep. He notices a cigarette between the boy's long fingers. 

Tyler exhales the poisonous smoke and turns around.

"Morning." - He says quietly with his face un-readable for Josh. "Slept well?"

"Um, yeah." - Josh mumbles. He gets up from the bed, feet meeting the cold wooden floor underneath. He takes a few steps, approaching Tyler, and hugs the boy from the back, resting his chin on his shoulder. "Why are you up so early?"

"I was waiting for you to wake up." - Tyler shrugs weakly. He puts the cigarette into the ashtray and turns around, pulling away from Josh slightly to look him in the eyes. "I want to go somewhere. With you."

"Oh." - Josh blinks confused. "Like, right now?"

"Yes."

"Um, okay? Where?"

"I want to see _him._ "

Shivers run down Josh's spine as soon as the words leave Tyler's mouth. He swallows hardly and stares at the boy in front of him. Gently, he traces Tyler's cheek with his thumb and bites his lip.

"You sure, baby?" - He whispers.

"No. But I never will be, so,-" - Tyler cuts himself off. He leans into Josh's touch and sighs. "I need to do this."

"Okay, Ty." - Josh gives him a small smile. "Let's do it, then."

___

 

The same road, different thoughts. 

Josh has been coming to this place once every year. He would bring a pack of Lucky Strikes and a bottle of beer and settle them on the cold ground. He would spend the whole evening in complete silence, then get up and leave 'till the next year. Only now he realizes that Tyler has never been here. This is his first time visiting this place, with Josh by his side.

Josh parks the car and turns off the engine. He opens his mouth to say something to Tyler, but the car door shuts loudly and he realizes Tyler has already crawled out of the car. So he follows. He sees the way Tyler's hands shake as they walk through the narrow path. He notices boy's lost gaze and hears his ragged breaths. They pass the marbled headstones, blurred letters engraved on top of them, telling stories of people's lives. The ones who lived and no longer exist. The ones who Josh and Tyler and everyone else will follow, sooner or later. 

They walk, and walk, and walk until they finally reach the destination. Josh stops in front of the headstone and gulps. Bold, grey letters stare at him.

_Matthew Healy. 1997-2014. The loved son, friend, lover._

Lover. Yeah, Matty was a lover. Josh remembers when he first came to this place and found a tall, thin boy standing on this same spot, staring down at these exact words. He remembers the boy's unshed tears and shaking frame. He knows exactly who that was. _George Daniel._ The one that Matty loved and never talked about. The one that always comes back to this place.

Josh gets snapped out of his thoughts when Tyler gets down on his knees near the headstone. He wants to ask if the boy is okay, but decides against it, because clearly - that question is stupid and overrated. Especially when you already know the answer.

Tyler's long, trembling fingers touch the cold marble. The boy closes his eyes and exhales shakily, his brows wiggling from the pain drawn on his face. 

"Hi." - He whispers breathlessly. Tears escape his closed eyes, painting twisted paths on the boy's cheeks. Instantly, Josh appears by his side. He sits down on the ground and puts his arms around Tyler's shoulders, keeping him closer to his chest.

The cold wind tries to break through their skin, sending shivers down their bodies, but neither of them care.

"It's-It's me." - Tyler continues to whisper shakily. "I am sorry I never came to visit you."

Josh can physically feel his heart breaking into thousands of pieces as he holds Tyler closer to him.

"God, I miss you so much, you dumbass." - Brunette shakes his head and wipes tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. "How fucking hard was it to simply stay alive? That's all I've ever asked. For you to fuckin' stay alive."

He stays quiet for the next couple of minutes, regaining his energy and force to speak up again.

"I was so lost when you-you know." - He breaths. "I was gone out of my mind. I wanted to hate you, to never forgive you. For being so clueless, fragile enough to disappear so easily. I've dreamed about your laugh, your jokes, your stupid curls every night for years. You came to me, every fucking night, and you talked to me like you were never gone. Like you were always here, with me. You dickhead, you promised we'd burn our yearbooks on our graduation."

Josh chuckles at the memory. Yeah, he clearly remembers Matty promising that at one of their lunch breaks.

"You were my anchor." - Tyler whispers as the new wave of tears wash over him. "Still are. You and Josh. Oh, by the way, we fucked. Too bad you weren't here to witness it."

Josh laughs and shakes his head. Tyler buries himself deeper into his chest and sniffs.

"I am sorry I never came. But now I'm here, Curly. For the first and last time. And I promise you - this isn't goodbye, yeah? We can meet again somewhere, one day. Somewhere far away from here. In the other life. I'll always find my way back to your skinny ass." 

Tyler runs his fingers on top of the headstone and smiles weakly. Suddenly, he turns around to face Josh and places his hands on the both sides of the boy's face.

"Josh." - He whispers with the serious expression.

"Yeah?" - Josh gulps.

"Remember the last thing you told me before I ran away?"

 _Of course, Josh does._ Three terrifying, scary but beautiful words. Josh nods wordlessly, eyes glued on Tyler's unreadable face.

"Good. Tell me."

 _"I love you."_ \- He tells Tyler. He tells, because these three words always belonged to Tyler, no one else. "I love you, Tyler. I've never stopped loving you."

"Yeah." - Tyler nods, tears still streaming down his beautiful face and suddenly Josh wants to protect him from all the pain in the world. "Yeah, me too. Ever since that day you talked to me in school. Me too."

Josh's heart stops beating. Before he can do or say anything, a pair of lips crashes with his own and suddenly-

Suddenly he realizes what it's like to feel _home._


End file.
